#6-Belittle him in public.
Belittle-to regard or portray as less impressive or important than appearances indicate; depreciate; disparage. {Dictionary.com}
image by OH SHOUT UP
We're all aware of the extreme version of this. The woman who makes jokes at her husband's expense and the man who seems resigned, distant, and counting the minutes until he can get away again. He seems to have given up on ever being able to please her, and she seems bent on trying to shame him into being the man she wants him to be. It's distinctly uncomfortable to be around such a couple when this is going on.
Image from philiphe
Belittling your husband can also happen in far more subtle ways though and we don't always realize that we're doing it. It can be as simple as comparing him to someone else's husband. You can shame him just by sighing and saying, "I wish my husband would do that. You are so lucky."
Eventually your husband may conclude that there is no point in trying to please you any more, and stop trying. You may be mystified as to the cause of his withdrawal and absence, either emotional or physical.
Or when you tell a funny story about him, and it is funny, but it's a little bit embarrassing, are you sure that he doesn't mind? Some men may privately wish you wouldn't do that, even if they put a good face on it for the people listening.
photo by matrianklw
If the story, or the way you tell it, shows a lack of respect for your husband, or could in some way cause others to lose respect for him, it's probably better not to tell it. Remember, it's really important to your husband to feel respected by you and by others.
Do you say mean things about him to others after a disagreement? Do you use the public setting to diffuse your anger and let slip things you want to say but don't feel safe saying to his face? That's a big no no. Not only does it make your friends and acquaintances extremely uncomfortable, it can cause a rift that can take a long time to heal.
image by Sontra
If you are in the habit of saying negative things about your husband to other people, stop. Now. That's the kind of thing the old proverb is talking about when it says, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands."
by dewfall
No good can come of saying negative things about your husband in front of other people. When you have something negative to work through, save it for a private time with a trusted counselor or friend. Or write it down and work through it. A little way down the road, things will look different, and you'll be glad you didn't say anything you'll both regret later.
Carrien – She Laughs At The Days
Read the other posts in this series: #7, #8, #9, #10.
What do you think Extraordinary Wives? So many things fall under the "Do unto others" commandment and this is one of them! Let's encourage each other to be building up our husbands in public, not tearing them down.
Not a member of The League of Extraordinary Wives? E-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com for an invitation.
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