My daughter, the moosh, has unbelievably curly hair.
Her best friend Halle has long shimmery blond hair that she wears in pigtails and braided ponytails with bows.
"Mom, will you curl my hair like the moosh's?" Halle asks.
"Mom, I want piggies like Halle." the moosh asks.
And so it begins, the battle of curly vs. straight, at three years old.
I have naturally curly hair myself, although I have never learned to truly embrace it. I do appreciate that it gives my hair more body when I straighten in and I'm also grateful that it holds heat set curls wonderfully.
But to step out of the shower and have my hair air dry into something I could leave the house in and not look like I stuck my finger in a socket? It has yet to happen.
In high school a drizzle of rain could ruin my day, I'd carry hairspray and a big round brush just in case moisture hit my hair. I'd spend half of my algebra class with my head under the hand dryers in the bathrooms begging for my hair to go back the way I wanted it.
On the other hand there were the girls who were late to school everyday because they insisted on curling their hair into bouncy ringlets and wouldn't leave the house until they had accomplished their task.
So I'm stuck, here I am with a daughter who has beautiful hair that makes her unique and only adds to her personality. Sometimes she is teased about it by other kids with straight hair and I'm left encouraging her that different is good, her hair is how God wanted it and that curly is beautiful.
And yet she watches me blow my curls away every morning.
Have you ever thought about this? Do you have straight hair you insist on being curly? Or brown hair you insist on being blond? Do you feel that your daughters are watching you and somewhere feeling the hair they were born with isn't good enough if the hair mom was born with isn't good enough?
Raising girls in this day and age is more challenging than ever I fear. Before you weigh in I ask you to watch this video from Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty.
So? What do we as mothers do?
Do we learn to embrace our inner curl or our stick straight hair so as to be good examples to the girls who are looking up to us as role models? Or do we continue what we're doing in hopes that maybe they won't catch on? Come over to Blissfully Domestic Living and discuss this with us. We're eager to know the opinions of other moms.
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Curls, curls, curls!
Casey, we need to see your curls!
Your daughter has the most beautiful curls! Tell her for me that she's so lucky to have such lovely curls and that when girls with straight hair tease her, it's because they're all jealous.
Oh, and she can still put her hair in pony tails. They'd probably look adorable like Cindy Brady's.
Stinkerbell says that God made her hair stringy and it looks good hanging in her face. I tell her that God made her face pretty and that hair is not supposed to get in our eyes or mouth or FOOD!
Moosh's hair is beautiful. She is beautiful. Reinforcing what you've already taught her is the way to go. If she wants to occasionally try it straight (and you can do it, which I could NOT), then let her "play dress up".
But I agree, curly hair would be adorable in pigtails. I just wish Stinkerbell would let me do pigtails on her again. She's "too big" for them now. sigh, mourn, weep.
Thanks for the suggestion about the Athelta swimsuits. May give them a try.
That video pretty much sums up why seeing a hoohoo on the ultrasound TERRIFIED me. I fight worrying that my beautiful daughter will grow up with the same self esteem issues that I did, that she'll spend half her life worrying about her thighs, her butt, her boobs, her hair ~ whether they are all too big or too small …
My Noodle has the gorgeous dirty blond, curly hair with blue eyes and cute little dimples that I always always wanted when I was little. The sad thing is that I know she will want dark brown straight hair & green eyes when she hits junior high
Just because that's what you do!
Do you ever find yourself praying that Moosh's someday sister will be as pretty as she is / have the same curls / the same pretty eyes? I worry that a sibling would feel jipped if she doesn't get all those beautiful traits that Noodle has … I'm obsessive & need to spend more hours on the therapist's couch, I know!
I've had that video up on my blog forever- I think it is such a powerful clip!!
The Moosh has beautiful hair! Embrace the curls! I love the dove real beauty commercials–they're so refreshing. My ideal hair would be thick wavy dark brown hair. I have light-brown, fine, stick-straight hair. I used to hate it, but now I'm trying to just embrace it (though sometimes I dye my hair just for fun). I'm hoping that my baby daughter gets her daddy's hair (which is exactly my ideal), and I hope she learns to love her looks regardless. Raising a daughter terrifies me. Can we move to a deserted island until she's 30?
I have curly hair and if it were as short as Mooshes then it would look exactly the same. I battled my hair far into the teenage years but it takes me about 2 hours to straighten it so it didnt get straightened that often. I learned to appreciate my hair because I inheritated it from my dad and his mom and so on.
http://www.elizabethandchad.blogspot.com
I have extremely curly hair, but only since age 13. WHen it is humid, my hair grows like a bush as the day goes on. I have recently learned how much I love it straight, but it takes a long time to get it that way. My daughters both have straight hair. One day the teenager was straightening my hair and I gave both of the girls ringlets before we went out. Kind of crazy, but I just think we have to tell the girls to embrace what we have, but change it up once in a while if we want also. It's all about a woman's perogative to change her mind
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Curls can be fabulous, and I like not having to spend 2 hours on my hair in the morning!!
Okay, that video's second half is just disturbing!
I don't have any daughters, but watching my mom perm her hair all the time… I went the opposite way. I wanted hair that wasn't chemically damaged and I rarely did anything other than wash and brush. And I have pretty curly hair too. I learned to embrace it. Now that it's short the "curls" stick out everywhere if I don't do something with it so most days if I'm going somewhere I have to straighten it.
I also remember fighting with my hair when I was in junior high and wishing my mom could have shown me how to straighten it…
In some ways I think it simply depends on the mother/daughter relationship. I know I didn't want to be like my mom so what she did to her hair didn't really have an effect on how I viewed mine. BTW, hers is super fine/straight, don't know where mine came from!
Those Dove commercials are always spot on, and make me bawl. I agree that it's scary to raise girls. God be with us.
Moosh's hair? Beautiful. Straight or curly.
Casey's hair? Beautiful. Frizzy, straight, wavy, curly, short, long. (As mine is any of those things on any given day. I hear ya sister!)
I agree that pigtails WOULD be cute on her!
And, yes. The kids are jealous. I know I am!
I have stick straight hair that even a perm cannot curl. As does my daughter. My 15 month old daughter, however, is still bald. So we are really pushing the bald is beautiful thing here right now. Thanks for the insight though–Casey and commenters.
First of all, I love love her curls! I have curly hair, too. One of my daughters has fine, stick straight blonde hair that is slow growing and one has curly down to her waist hair. My oldest is 5 and she already complains about her hair and she also knows mama gets her hair painted (what…you think I'm a natural blonde?)
I also straighten my hair quite a bit, although today I embraced the curl.
I think as long as we teach our children that beauty comes from within and that God made all of us with unique features, that's the important thing.
Oh MY! I live in a box and don't get out much! I've never seen this before and I am almost speechless, that is, until the speech begins and then I'm afraid it will never stop. How effective! And scary! My first impule was (part way through the view) to let my daughter watch it, then it got a little too graphic. Wow. Let the conversation begin! Between us all!
Curls for the Baby, Straight for the Mama. This way, the curling/flat iron Rite Of Passage will be a very meaningful event.
But that can wait until she's in highschool or maybe even college, right? Those curls are adorable!
I loved that commercial the first time I saw it.
It's tough raising girls. It's tough, as we sit around hating our hair or our bodies, for us to expect them to love themselves and be happy in their beauty…
Raising girls is scaring me! I got a call from school today. My 7 year old typed in "Dictionary" and misspelled it. So she was rewarded with a large screen image of porn featuring a lot of, well, you can guess. At SCHOOL! In SECOND grade! I don't even have to wait until she hits puberty to start explaining porn. How fun.
What a great post.
I had super duper way too long hair for most of my life. It wasn't until I was almost 30 that I realized I HAD CURLY HAIR. Duh. And now I love it and am now just learning how to embrace my God-given curls. And yet, I'm also not afraid to bring out the round brush and flat iron.
I think curly haired girls are lucky…we have the best of both worlds.
And now, you must post pictures of you with your curls. The internweb demands pictures.
Awww, moosh's hair is beautiful! My daughter has curly hair (but no where near as curly as moosh) and she wears it in ponytails all the time. She looks adorable, but then again its a little longer than the moosh's.
And, really, kids tease her for it? They are just jealous!
I have ultra-straight hair, too, though not as fine as it used to be (thank you, pregnancies!) and only curl it for special events. It takes so long, I have to use a ton of styling products (yuk!) and it's just not worth it to me. My 3 1/2 yo daughter's hair is curly, but only on the bottom half of her head (what's up with that?) and they're not near as tight as your moosh's. I actually think her hair is perfect–natural curl but not so stubborn that she couldn't straighten it, thick and glossy but nit wiry like my husband's. My own hair I've come to terms with, now that I've found a cut that works for it. If only I could keep her from cutting hers…
It took me a long time to embrace my curls – especially since I wasn't born with them, they just developed as I got older. But society tells us that straight and shiny is what's beautiful. Fooey on that! Learn how to manage curls, find someone that knows how to cut curly hair, put in a little product, do not brush it, and keep hands out of it!
I do occasionally straighten, but now my curls are my trademark.
You'll get a kick out of this… When I first moved and found a new hairstylist I was in the process of growing out a perm. We were still cutting the perm out 2 year later and she finally told me, you know I think that's natural…
not a mom, but i always love weighing in on the curly hair topics.
both of my parents have very curly hair- or my dad did when he had any to speak of. needless to say, i have curly hair. thick curly hair. coarse thick curly hair. and ever since i can remember, my mom has straightened her naturally curly hair, every day.
and it does make a difference in my hair relationship.
i hated my hair growing up but i also didn't know how to take care of it. because my mom always straightened her hair, she didn't know how to take care of it either. so i brushed, dry. oh the photos of that frizzy ball i was.
but between extreme laziness, tender scalp, and going to an all girls school, i never got into straightening my hair. so when i finally did some research and found out how to work with my curl, i've been pretty happy with my hair. yes, it is a process and there is a learning curve (hardy har har) but now i can confidently say that i love my curly hair.
having curly hair def makes up a large part of my personality- it even led to my blog name (rizado means curly in spanish). i think i would be a totally different person if i had naturally or processed straight hair.
this isn't all to say that i think everyone should have curly hair. yes, i do believe that people with curly hair, once they learn how to deal with the curls, can have gorgeous hair without resorting to blow dryers and flat irons. but i also think that it is your hair, do what you want! my mom and sister both straightened their hair while my brother and i are very proud of our locks.
one thing i can say- if your daughter has curly hair, learn how to work with the curl, even if you decide that you want straight hair. i wish that either me or my mom had looked into things like 'curly girl' sooner in my life and i could have avoided a whole lot of self hate and bad hair days.
For a different perspective…
I'm not a mom yet (13 days!), but from the daughter's perspective…
I am one of few of my friends who does not color my hair, get my nails done regularly, etc. In all fairness, I like my hair a lot. That said, I grew up watching my mom diet all the time, get her hair colored, nails done regularly, even a little plastic surgery… I think this has a lot to do with my social anxiety. I am CONSTANTLY worried about what people think of me and how I look. I don't do a whole lot about it because I saw how much of her life and time it took her, but I do feel like people are always watching me and EVALUATING me. The evaluation is the main part. Point is: daughters watch their moms, and draw certain conclusions from what they see… even if they don't talk about it. I guess I assumed Mom did all that to impress others because they were watching… even if they aren't.
One of my best friends straightened her beautiful, kinky-curly hair all through high school. We never even really knew that she had this gorgeous natural curl, until she started reading a book about how to take care of it, and one day just showed up at school with the most AWESOME head of hair i have ever seen. All it seems to require is that you learn the little tricks and tips to keep your curls happy, so they behave nicely without the frizz. I am definitely a supporter of loving your curls. I am a jealous, wavy-headed girl whose hair refuses to hold curls. So I shall live vicariously through your beautiful little girl!! Would love to see your curls though too, miss Casey.
P.s: i think this was the book
http://www.amazon.com/Curly-Girl-Lorraine-Massey/dp/0761123008/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1208951160&sr=8-1
It's called Curly Girl. Even the title is cute.
I totally agree with the post just above (Elizabeth)…. we do base decisions on what we see our mothers do.
Casey, you don't have to start doing your hair curly. Give it a try, with the help of a stylist, and see if you like a change.
There must be a way to have variety in our appearance and not scar our daugters.
It's not just hair. I just had a conversation with my seventeen year old who wants breast implants. She's built like me, slim and small breasted. We had a short conversation about scar tissue and what happens when things go wrong with implants.
I wanted to get implants in the past but the thought of my daughters actually stopped me. How could I tell my daughters to accept their body when I didn't. So I learned to love my small, lop sided breasts and I'm happy I did.
I have hair that left to dry naturally has wavy, straight, curly bits. Stays flat on top and then flies out everywhere else. I too fought my hair for years. Thank you to the last pregnancy I now have curls. I do have to work for them a couple of minutes but I can easily straighten too because it isn't too thick and course. My girls watch me some mornings and ask why I have chosen the way I am doing it that day. I explain to try something different. They have beautiful straight hair, some days we curl it to do something different.
Knowing that they are watching me I have never complained about my body in front of them. I also try to never point out the things I dislike in front of my husband. He probably doesn't notice so why make him aware of it.
I do dye my hair, again explaining that when they are older they can if they want, as it is fun to change it some times. I am more of a big change in color rather then a I don't like my natural color so need something different. I hope they understand I do it for my own entertainment not because I'm trying to be noticed or impress anyone.
I don't wear very much makeup but have had the same kind of conversation about that too.
I hope I am giving them a better idea about liking themselves as they are then I received growing up. They just turned five and six and have a..umm…interesting sense of style that I have let them develop since they had a voice.
There are advertisements on the radio for a new diet place where we live and I hear the girls playing with toys and playing out scenarios talking about needing to loose this amount of weight and what not. I talked to them the other day about how they take care of themselves, playing, exercising and eating well. How limiting the things that aren't good for us keeps us healthy. So if they continue to take care of themselves they will not have to worry about dieting. That it is not something they should be aiming to do.
I hope I am doing enough to build their esteem and confidence.
I have curly hair that I straightened daily till my daughter was born. Then I grudgingly accepted the curls back into my life, and now I really like them. I think if you have the right product(s) it can make the difference. Now with 2 kids I don't have time for the blowout except on special occasions. And when I do it, I don't think it looks like me. I saw a recent photo with straight hair and thought I was my sister! My daughters hair is inbetween, and hopefully it will straighten (or curly) itself out before too much time or she will be forced to make a choice.
I really like all this… Right now, my friend Jessie and I are trying to change up how we look… (I wont deny it I think we have a problem we change like twice every year) We're a little nervous this year tho cause were both new to this new school and I have brown crazzzzy hair that I straighten every day and she has beautiful blonde straight hair that she wants to keep curlyyy idk i think were getting silllly :p