Do You Mother Your Husband?

Do any of these phrases sound familiar?

"I hope you aren't going to wear that?"
"Don't eat that ice cream, you've had enough."
"Do you have your wallet?"
"When are you going to wash your car?"
"If drive so fast, you'll get ticket."
"Those chips are bad for you. I threw them away."

I once read this quote in a John Gray book, "When a woman gradually begins to mother a man, she thinks she is being loving and helpful, but she is really sabotaging her relationship." I was single and found the concept to be not only foreign, but just plan wrong.

In my mind 'mothering' a husband would be the epitome of loving behavior. How could anything be wrong with that? After ten years of marriage, listening to the accounts of many a husband, and advising many women; I now understand the dangers of mothering those that are not our children.

I tracked down the old John Gray book at the library yesterday. Sure, a lot of the book is so cheesy, however I think the idea of mothering our husbands excessively may have some validity. I want to post about this all-too-common behavior of wives and the common reaction from husbands. Could it be that the message about men (Men R Fools) subconsciously affects the way we see our husbands? Do we treat our husbands in a way that men find demeaning and cause them to pull away? Let's explore this topic together this week.

Here is an excerpt called The Role of Mother-

"The role of mother requires a woman to take responsibility for the well-being of others.A mother instinctively guides, directs, educates, feeds, loves, and disciplines her children, who are dependent on her to grow up in a healthy way. As a marriage partner, a woman is also required to support a mate but should not feel responsible for him. His well-being and fulfillment are not part of her job description. When she guides, directs, educates, and feeds him without expressed permission, she is mothering him.

It is important for women to realize that treating a man as a child is not only offensive to him but weakening and counterproductive. This is a very subtle distinction, but once recognized it is as wide as the Grand Canyon."

Do we find it difficult to separate our role as mothers with that of wives? What is that fine line, which is different in every marriage, between lovingly caring for our husbands and mothering them?