Recently I’ve read, with great distress, accounts of women who treat their husbands like babysitters rather than the fathers of their children. For example – leaving a detailed list of the children’s schedules, activities, even allergies – when she must be out of town. Or reminding him to be sure and keep an eye on the toddler while she leaves the house for awhile.
Ladies, a sure fire way to emasculate your husband is to treat him like an incompetent parent!
Think about this:
- Can he feed & dress himself?
- Can he find his way from Point A to Point B safely & in a timely fashion?
- Does he know how to use basic household items like the phone, microwave, dishwasher or alarm clock?
If you answered yes to those questions (and I feel certain that most of you did), that means he's a capable of being a competent parent!
If you still have reservations about his abilities be sure to:
- Involve him in your child's daily care, i.e. bathtime, carpool, homework duty
- Communicate daily with him about schedules and routines
- Encourage and support him
Above all, let him do things his own way. He won't parent or care for the children the same way you do and that's OK!
Malia co-authors the blog live. laugh. love. with her husband, DB.
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I hate it when moms (or anyone for that matter) says something like, "The kid's dad babysitting for the kids tonight." I always think…they are not babysitting the kids. Its the dad.
That's one of my husband's biggest pet peeves! He detests it when anyone refers to him as babysitting the kids. He's no more a babysitter to our children than I am!
What if the father doesn't know how to make a bottle, nor does he care to learn? What if he has never changed his child's diaper and he's 3 years old? What if he doesn't even know what the child is allergic to and offers to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (and the child is deathly allergic to peanuts)?
What about those points?
A family that I know, this is the father's involvement in his children's lives…
Sad, right?
I know…
How do you change this? My suggestion would be to make sure the said father wanted to have kids to begin with… I would build the conversation from there and make very clear what is expected when I child is born/created…
Since they might of missed that conversation, I would start laying down the expectations now while they are 1 and 3. If you don't, before you know it they are going to be 10 and wanting your help with homework, car-pooling, play dates, sports, movies and everything else… you will be wearing yourself very thin.
Seriously, it amazes me the moms that take on that sort of responsibility. It's a two way street and the both of you should be running up and down it to make your child's life the best that it can be!
Ugh…vent over. Sorry.
Yes, there are husbands out there who don't know important things about their own children. I contend that the mother needs to make sure that the father knows these things. You don't have to be nagging or domineering about it. When my daughter was an infant I got in the habit of rehashing our day with my husband when he would get home from work. And on the weekends, I involved him in many aspects of her care. Over time he he knew her routine just as well as I did. When I wanted or needed to get out of the house for awhile, I knew she was in good hands. I never felt like I had to explain everything to him.
It's best to get father's involved as early as possible but I don't think it's ever too late. It may be harder, it may be met with more resistance, it may even take professional intervention (like counseling) but with love and patience and prayer, you can make it work.
My husband and I really dislike that attitude. We have friends who say they have to check if the hubby can babysit the kids that night and my BFF will not leave her hubby at home alone with their toddler. Amazing that the hubbies managed to keep themselves alive before their wives came along.
This is a great post.
When I leave for girls night out, I give hugs and kisses, grab my car keys and screech out the driveway!
I never leave a list. He's a better mommy than I am most days anyway
Unfornately it is coming down to leaving a list. My husband doesn't pay attention to anything. Instead of gas drops my husband gave my son Tylenol and twice the dose but he said he didn't look at the bottle. This is only one example of his antics. He is totally incompetent and I refuse to have any more children with him because I can't raise them on my own.