We are all individuals. We have our own preferences, idiosyncrasies and baggage. When we marry we bring along a lifetime of experience, behavioral patterns and beliefs. These personal differences never magically go away. The good news is that our differences do not have to be erased for our marriages to be happy.
In reality most marital conflicts never completely get resolved. We all have in-law issues, different child-rearing ideas, and of course the never ending toilet paper roll debate. For the record, I like the roll on the holder with the sheet on top, ready to pull down. I do not like the roll on the floor, on the back of the toilet, or empty. And, no, it will never be resolved in my house.
Here is the reality, the toilet roll placement does not matter. I could get angry everyday and nag and complain. Remember to save complaints for the biggies, right? Even if I did explain why civilized people don't leave rolls scattered around the bathroom he would not wake up one day and say, "I better put the T.P. roll how she likes it."
The truth is that none of us has a monopoly on the truth every time. The important thing is that we let the little things go and compromise on the big issues. It is healthy and good to express our opinions to each other, but if you can't change your spouse's mind you can't be a jerk about it.
Disagreements must be handled without blaming, personal attacks and bringing up how he forgot your anniversary two years ago. The key is to try to put yourself in his shoes and understand his viewpoint. You don't have to agree, just agree to disagree. You'll win some and lose some.
Conflict is normal and not in it's self a problem in your marriage. Even the happiest couples have it! What is important is how you manage it. Marriage is a long term give and take. Sometimes the roll makes it on the holder and the paper is facing the correct way, and sometimes not!
Extraordinary Wives continue here.
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