I hope it gets better for your daughter.

What is with the bus? This stuff happens on my kids' bus too and they are the first stop from school (less than 5 minutes). I tell my kids to sit in the front. Problems tend to happen in the 'back of the bus.' When there are bus issues I go directly to the principal or asst principal. Our school has been very responsive to bus issues – it's 3 chances/strikes then you're off the bus for the year.

hope your daughter tells that mean child to sit somewhere else.

1) Talk – In 99% of scenarios, careful verbal defusing can eliminate an active threat. Police forces actually teach "Verbal Judo" now, which instructs people how to use calm and strength to deter frenetic powering up. It's tough with kids, though, admittedly, and in our own scenarios with our 8 year old on the bus, "talk" seems to have less impact than it seems to in many adult scenarios. Still, we are committed to the idea that even kids can be talked through their actions, and we attempt regularly to try to "load" our kids minds with the kinds of phrases and prompts to help with that.

2) Walk – In adult scenarios, you actually have what is called a "duty to flee". Id est, it is your legal responsibility to try to remove yourself from a hostile situation if you are at all able before attempting to retaliate in any fashion. It may be as simple as backing away, it may be running from the room, but the idea is that no one is looking for a physical confrontation. Admittedly, the issues are even more concentrated on a school bus as there are limited places to "run" or "hide". We have tried to help our child to do this better by sitting closer to the bus driver, but in instances where there is assigned seating, that's not always possible.

3) Find – This includes finding an authority figure who can intervene on your behalf. It may be a teacher, a bus driver or an older kid. Your kid may face being called a "tattler", but that can be dealt with. Our problem is that bus-drivers seem to have limited real ownership of the behavior on their buses (which is why they seem to degenerate into Lord of the Flies Preschools so often). The point is that finding another element who possesses authority to engage the situation can often defuse it. You mentioned that when you talked about finding teachers or principals to help engage the situation.

4) Fight – Sun Tsu, the legendary Chinese general who wrote "The Art of War" said that "Those skilled in war subdue the enemy's army without battle. They capture his cities without assaulting them and overthrow his state without protracted operations." As a result, we tell our kids that if things have deteriorated to the place where neither Talking, Walking, and Finding are options and you genuinely find yourself in a position where you are unable to gain any other point of harmony, then something HAS indeed gone dreadfully wrong. Still, i knew people growing up who were just plain and simply "looking for a fight", and wouldn't be satisfied without one. In such an instance, if pushed to the point where your options are limited to a physical response, then it must be rapid, decisive and determined. That is, simply, strike fast, strike hard, don't stop. The consummate scenario in which we "role play" such tactics include a bully who is attacking our son's little sister on the playground. Sure, try to talk, walk and find, but if no such recompense is available, then absolutely, act! Immediately! Decisively! And without hesitation or deterrent until the bully stops. On the back end, the same steps should again be engaged (talk, walk and find) with authority figures such as teachers in order to ensure that the scenario does not happen again.

Believe it or not, these are the same elements present with adults. When i teach Women's Self Defense courses, i try to stress that whenever possible, these same 4 "steps" apply to adult conflict. They may get truncated (i.e. someone can escalate the conflict immediately to step 4 without giving you a chance to try 1 – 3), but in most instances, there is sufficient space to take the course prescribed.

Great article, Michelle! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Also, so sorry to hear that your daughter is being bullied. Young MEAN girls usually grow up to be MEAN women too.