I have developed the ability to shut my ears off. Actually, to be completely correct, I have not lost the ability to hear, I have gained the ability to tune out so completely that it feels like I can turn off my ears, and I don't even have to use my fingers.
This was first illustrated to me when my husband (purportedly) asked me a question, got incensed when I didn’t answer him, and by the time his monologue actually registered on my radar, he was livid angry and in the middle of a rant about how I never listen to him. Newly tuned in to this conversation, I was baffled and told him that I didn’t hear him. He truly couldn’t believe that I could be just a few feet from him and not hear him. But I really had no recollection of him speaking. Then I realized that he was also speaking to me while the children were chasing each other around with the vacuum attachment nozzles like swords in the other room. I realized then that he had caught me in the zone of mom-hearing.
Another experience was in the car. I was driving and blissfully going along, when I noticed a marked discomfort in my husband. After a few more minutes of this, he turned to me and said, “I don’t know how you stand this! They are driving me crazy!” To which I replied, “Huh?” Apparently the kids were yelling and/or fighting and/or crying, but I hadn’t really noticed.
Mom-hearing must have been developed as a coping mechanism by our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmothers. To be technical, it is actually called stimulus adaptation: when
something is so constant to your senses that they get tired of relaying
the same messages, so they just stop doing it. I have come to realize that without the ability to tune out the near-constant cacophony of whining, tattling, yelling, and other riotous youth-noise, we would all go insane. This is why parents can do it when no one else can. They develop mom-hearing, and suddenly, it is possible to drive to the market without pulling over and letting the kids out to run free in the median.
One thing about mom-hearing is that it changes. At first, during the cozy newborn stage, mom-hearing is ultra-sensitive to every inhale-exhale-inhale…every squeak is heard, and will rouse you out of the depths of exhaustion. But by the time they are old enough to find their own fishy crackers in the pantry, the tune-out and stay-sane hearing kicks in.
Oh, I have other fantastic hearing abilities too. I can hear the truth when my son tries to lie to me. And I can hear what is happening when it is “too quiet,” because if there is nothing to tune out, something is going on that requires my full attention.
Remember when you were a kid, and you were trying to get your mom’s attention, and you had to say “Mom…Mom…MOM…MO-OM!” Why did it seem like she was never listening? Well, now that I am a mom I know: mom-hearing. What about you? Do you have this super-power too?
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It was interesting to read this. I do not have the ability to block it out, and yes, I do have two kids. They both have been taught to be quiet, especially in the car and in public. I have seen (and been amazed by) people who seem to simply not hear their kids. I realize that you are partially just being funny, but you would have to know how many times my husband and I have asked each other 'can they just not year them?' to know why I would feel compelled to comment.
Very true. And going along with Mom Hearing is Teacher Hearing. (That's also the kind of thing that hears exactly what the kids don't want the adult to hear.) SO many times I would "catch" my high school students and let them know I was on to them, and then I'd hear them whisper, "How did she hear that?"
I can hear when my infant son shifts in his sleep at the other end of the house.
Hilarious! My husband and I had that very same [he was livid angry and I was oblivious] argument tonight. It's very comforting to know that I'm not the only one. I was beginning to think I was getting early Alzheimer's or hearing loss! Thank you for this very well timed article.
I used to do this with my coworkers (still do) but I'm much better at it now that I'm a mom! What I'm unclear about since I am still just a mom to one little, how does your mom hearing adapt when you have kids at different stages in the "hearing" spectrum?
I love it…:) How many years to I have to be a mom to gain this super power???
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