You don't have to be struggling financially to understand that money can be a strain between men and women in a marriage. Considering the fact that two people raised in two different environments are suddenly placed under the same roof and told to play nice and share, it's no surprise that conflict will arise.
But pretending it's not an issue won't do. So what are we to do?
When it comes to money, there are two types of people: nerds and free-spirits. Nerds approach money with spreadsheets and calculators. Free Spirits use the spreadsheets to stick their gum in. They feel controlled by a budget.
Which are you?
I am definitely a free spirit. When my husband approaches me with numbers, my eyes glaze over and I have to fight the urge to stick needles in my eyes. That's how much I hate numbers.
As half of a couple, we need to remember that we are on the same team. With that being said, finances need to be addressed as a couple. Consider it a Budget Committee Meeting. The budget is initially set up by the partner with the natural gift, but then both partners sit down and discuss it.
Some points to remember as you sit down together:
- The meeting shouldn't go longer than 17 minutes – table it and come back to it later.
- Nerds make a proposed plan and bring it to the meeting. They give it to the free spirit and then shut up and let them look at it. Nerd needs to remember that this is a meeting and not a budget summit.
- The free spirit has to show up, act like an adult and give positive feedback.
- Free Spirit must change something on the budget (in other words, can't just look it over and say "yeah, okay…" or "whatever you want to do"…)
When we can sit down and talk it through, it makes it easier to follow through.
Which are you and how have you learned to deal with it in your marriage? Come discuss in the Forum.
Did you know that there is a group at Blissfully Domestic Living where you can meet and discuss any thoughts and/or questions you have about any of the things discussed on this topic? Head over and join us.
Karla is the managing editor at Blissfully domestic and blogs at Looking Towards Heaven.
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Oooooh I'm the NERD in this scenario for sure. But hubby is willing to play along with me.
I've always been very smart with money. But I've never had enough money to budget it. It doesn't make sense when you know you can barely afford food and nothing else – no need to budget that.
We JUST did this last weekend. Mr. Flinger spent three weeks getting the spreadsheet (and pie chart!) done and I looked at it and went, "Um, so, does this mean I need to work more?"
Yea. We're these people.
(P.S. The answer was "yes". Sigh. I hate that pie chart.)
I am such the free spirit on this one! Money and me are not friends unless I am spending it. I'm so glad my husband is the nerd and that he will never read this to see me call him a nerd.
Oh man, we just did this a month ago when Hubby had to buy a new truck. I am the free spirit and he is the nerd! He printed out our budget complete with graphs and planned savings for Christmas shopping!!! Lord knows we'd be broke without him doing this stuff though.
I'm a free spirit without a doubt. I'm not married yet, and I pray to God that whenever I find a husband, that he'll be good with money (in other words..a nerd). Otherwise, we won't make it to retirement with a penny in our pockets
Oddly enough, my husband is the free spirit and I'm the nerd. Or maybe that's not that add, knowing me.
(P.S. – is this entry date supposed to read April 18th? Or am I confused?)
I used to be the nerd but am now the free spirit. My husband who was the free spirit is now the nerd. I'm not sure when we switched places but I think it has something to do with him graduating college and having more time to focus on our finances. Oh and the fact we now have a house payment, a car payment, and life…
Really like the part where Free-Spirits have to respond, make some sort of gesture they know what's going on. Also, like the time limit, that would save the day!