Comments on: Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

By: Alicia

Alicia — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 07:33:08 +0000

It is a lot harder than it sounds…my husband and I have learned over the years that the best way to accomplish it is to plan ahead (what will our limits be? what will we do if suchandsuch?). But kids are gifted at throwing you for a loop, and those are the times I really find myself needing these types of reminders. It is so easy to make an empty threat out of desperation! And so hard to regain some authority afterwards.

By: Jenn @ Frugal Upstate

Jenn @ Frugal Upstate — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:02:30 +0000

This is so true-although it isn’t always easy to follow through with. I think like many parenting things, if you start fairly young and “take your pain up front” with the ineveitable crying etc, then they learn you mean it and don’t test you as much later on.

Well, maybe until they are teenagers anyway.

By: Kim (MO Mom-bo)

Kim (MO Mom-bo) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:47:54 +0000

I am so with you here. My boys know that I mean what I say, and if you argue the point you will lose that privelege for the next day (i.e. your TV or computer time). My youngest rarely ever goes there, but my stubborn, er, persistent 7 yo still thinks he can negotiate everything. Eventually he will learn that it’s only getting him the opposite of what he wants. Just give them 2 options and they get to choose – but each option has to be acceptable to you, as well as the consequence you choose (everyone else can have dessert but you).

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:33:29 +0000

Amen, Sista! As a teacher, I can’t tell you how much this helps in the classroom. I can tell which kiddos have parents who say what they mean and mean what they say.

This also holds true for managing behavior in the classroom. If my students know that what I say the first time is what will actually happen, teaching and learning go so much more smoothly!

By: Candace (Mama Luxe)

Candace (Mama Luxe) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:28:12 +0000

I don’t think it is authoritarian, at all. I would just make sure that the options are both acceptable. “If you can’t drink like a big kid, then I’m sending your drink back.” That way both options are acceptable.

There’s a great book–Negotiation Generation, that deals with some of this.

The idea is not to punish, but also to not discuss the non-negotiables. You will drink your drink like a big kid, but you can choose lemonade or smoothie.

Great post–always helpful to have reminders about these things!