Most of us will agree that communication ranks pretty high on the list of things that make for a good marriage. Not all communication has to be of the "we need to talk" or "let me tell you what the kids did today" variety. One of the things that keeps relationships strong is the secret language of your marriage. Most couples have a secret language. That language is made of up looks, jokes, and short hand that those outside your marriage likely won't understand. That secret language helps keep you connected and makes your marriage feel like a closed unit.
Early in my relationship with my husband, we discovered we already had the basis for a large piece of our secret language: humor. There was an old stand up comedy cassette that I listened to on solo road trips in high school and college. I often threw out references to it but no one had ever picked up on them before. So when we were out somewhere and I said "What a bargain!", I was shocked when he responded "You have penny?" We went out and purchased a copy. We still listen to it on road trips. We've added other and we now have half a dozen comedy CDs. Throw in some Seinfeld references and you have cracked the code to a large part of our marital short hand.
- If we are having chili, you might hear: "You can't ride home on a bowl of goat…I've always said that."
- If it has been a bad day, you might hear: "Do you want to know what happened in this house today while you were at your "job"?"
- If we walk past a deli, you might hear: "I find the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats."
photo by the half-blood prince
For us, laughter keeps us connected. We find humor in even the darkest times and it makes us stronger. Some couples find their secret language in movies or scripture or stories from their shared past. Whatever your shared language is, keep using it and building on it. All kinds of communication are important in our marriages.
Michelle wittily writes about life with young children and much more at Michelle Smiles!
What's your secret language of marriage? Music, food, travel, books, a shared hobby? The possibilities are endless! We'd love to hear about it at The League!
Not a member of The League of Extraordinary Wives? E-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com for an invitation.
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Ha! "can't ride home on a bowl of goat" Ron White. My husband and I have our own Ron White references! "It's not THAT the wind is blowin', it's WHAT the wind is blowin'" and "I don't think so… Skippy, and I was wrong" (course you have to say it with his inflections or it's not as funny.)
"I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!" (Talledega Nights)
"I like the way you talk." (Sling Blade)
I also call him a silly gump. (words his dad called the both of us!)
I'm sure we have more, but those are the ones that stand out.