It takes a strong woman to know when to go easy on her man!
We discussed last week how a harsh start up will guarantee your attempts at communicating with your man will fail. Let's explore just exactly how to start a conversation about our needs and wants in a softer way.
Starting any interaction, especially one that is of great importance is all about timing. The timing of how and when we approach our spouse is 90% of the outcome.
Examples of bad timing. Do Not Try This At Home!
- As he comes in the door.
- In the middle of the workday.
- After the kiddo just had a tantrum.
- When the bills are being paid.
- In the middle of the game/favorite show/movie.
- When he is hungry.
Start conversations when you both are relaxed and there are no distractions if at all possible. If he feels the least bit attacked he won't hear a word. Every bit of his being will be on full self-defense mode!
Soft startups are all about three things-
- Good timing.
- Sharing what we need in a way that doesn't cause him to get all defensive. We know how easy it is for men to feel like we are telling them that they aren't good enough or successful enough, right?
- Giving him a way to be successful at pleasing you. Spell out exactly what is is that you want in a loving way. Avoid dragging it out. Keep it clear and concise.
Here is an example of a harsh start up-
Bitter Betty- "I can't do all this by myself. You just walk in from work and expect me to do everything. You never think of my needs."
Defensive Dan- If he doesn't stonewall Bitter Betty after this, expect fireworks.
Now for an example of a soft start up-
Smart Sally waits until after dinner and the kids are in bed. She says, "Honey, I am so exhausted at night. I'm just drained by the bedtime routines when I have to do it all alone. I would be much happier and have more energy for you in the evenings if you would help me. Would you start sharing the bedtime routines with me?"
He may or may not say always yes when you approach with a soft start up, but I know for sure he will say no to all harsh start ups. Critics will say that this method is manipulative, but nothing could be further from the truth. Becoming aware of when and how we are most receptive to discussing important issues is simply a smart thing to do!
Extraordinary Wives, Shall we continue at the League? ~If you are not yet a member, simply email me for your invitation.~
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