#1 Avoid sex as much as possible and when you do have it, make sure that it’s over as soon as possible.
Come on Ladies. ‘Fess up. I know most of you know exactly what I’m talking about. (For those that don’t and are on the opposite end of the equation, sorry, this post isn’t for you. But maybe you could send your husband to read it.)
When you wait to come to bed until he’s already asleep, or go to bed way before he does hoping you’ll be asleep before he comes in, he knows what’s up. When you step out of an embrace too quickly because it might lead to something more, or you make love like you are trying to win a record for world’s fastest quickie, he’s going to eventually feel hurt by your behavior. And when you deliberately dress in granny panties with holes in them and high-necked pajamas so he won’t be turned on by your presence next to him in the bathroom while you brush your teeth, do you know you are damaging your marriage?
Your man needs sex and physical closeness to feel that things between the two of you are good. Just like you need talking and listening.
But, you complain, the only time he ever touches you is when he wants something. You want just plain physical affection with no strings attached. Yet the last 50 times he tried to give you a hug, you pulled away because you didn’t want it to turn into sex. And the couple of times you gave in, you had his clothes off in 5 seconds flat and hoped he’d finish in 5 minutes more so you could go back to sleep. Or you spent the entire time checking your watch. Am I right?
There are many reasons why women start to close up sexually and avoid their husband’s advances. New babies, postpartum bodies, depression, weight gain, exhaustion, stress, grief; they all can cause a change in you, in your level of desire. And while a good man will be patient with you through the changes, and wait gently for you to be ready, you shouldn’t make him wait indefinitely. No matter how much of a burden you feel sex has become.
Suck it up! I mean this in the kindest way possible. The main problem you have is that you are spending too much time thinking about yourself. You are thinking about your body, your insecurities, your exhaustion, and your preferences.
Sex isn’t about you. It’s not really about your husband either. It’s about you and your husband together and this relationship you committed to when you exchanged vows all those years ago. You chose, among many other things, a lifetime of marital congress with that person who is lying in bed next to you every night. That goes for the men who aren’t interested too.
It’s good that you do. Sex releases endorphins and oxytocin, the love hormone. It binds you together chemically and neurologically as well as emotionally and physically. It strengthens your marriage.
Not to mention, and I’m sorry to have to bring this up, if your spouse isn’t getting great sex from you on a fairly regular basis they are much more likely to respond to someone else who offers it.
The next time he reaches a hand out to squeeze somewhere inappropriate, don’t pull away. And then next time he pauses at the bedroom door to wink and say something suggestive, wrap up what you are doing quickly and go in to join him. Instead of thinking about that little tummy bulge you feel so self-conscious about, look at his face when he sees you naked, or, the other parts that are responding to the sight of your naked self. Instead of thinking about the myriad of other things that can fill a woman’s head at any given time, focus on thinking about this moment, just this moment, the smell of his skin, the feel of his hand. Commit yourself to enjoying these minutes and to being fully present. That’s all he really wants from you, for you to be present with him and enjoying yourself.
Do you think you can do that?
Carrien takes her own advice often enough that she has a hard time submitting her articles by the deadline since her writing time is at night after the kids are in bed. Other writing can be found at she laughs at the days.
Read the other posts in this series: #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10.
Well ladies, does this ring true for you? Or, have you been there, done that and have some encouragement for others in this situation? Let’s take this to The League!
Not a member of The League of Extraordinary Wives? E-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com for an invitation.
Speaking of granny panties… The Diaper Diaries: I Cor. 7:5 Challenge – Week 2 is up! It’s time for an underwear drawer overhaul!
Image Credits: hans_s, emmma peel, duchesssa
Loading ...
Comments are closed.