#2-Behave irrationally and do things without having a good reason for doing them.
Alright, let's be honest. We all do irrational things from time to time. We have our own way of doing things and it works for us…often…we think…at least, that's how we've always done it…and it gets done eventually…Oh just leave me alone and respect my process, won't you?
This kind of thing makes your man shake his head bemusedly and get a bit nervous about your sanity. One of the good things about husbands is that they can offer us a fresh perspective on a situation. Keep yourself open to his input, you may be surprised to find how helpful it can be.
Suppose I iron all of my sheets every single week like my grandmother does. Suppose I tell my husband I am feeling stress over not having time to finish before guests come for dinner and my husband suggests that I just don't iron the sheets for a change. I might react by responding, a little bit wild eyed,"Of course the sheets need to be ironed. What, were you raised in a barn?" That would be something he perceives as an irrational response lacking a good reason. The truth is, the sheets don't need ironing, I just like them that way. [Not in real life. Well, if you wanted to come and iron them for me I wouldn't say no...but I am very anal about how laundry is folded...] I may even take pride or find satisfaction in freshly ironed sheets in my closet. It's important to realize that I often do things because I prefer to do them that way, not because it's the best way, or even the most efficient. But if I'm going to complain or ask for help, it is irrational to cling to something that is stressing me out just because I prefer it to be done that way.
Or there's this conversation, stolen verbatim from the scriptwriters of Dexter.
Pregnant women- (to man and children making waffles) You're making a mess.
Man-We'll clean it up.
Woman-That's not the point.
Man- (aside to the kids) What is the point?
Woman-The point is not to make a mess in the first place.
That's a special brand of crazy that I know I, at least, am guilty of from time to time.
So what can you do about it? Well, it's not like you are going to stop doing irrational things over night. You probably don't even realize half of them. But the next time your husband asks you why you are doing a thing a certain way stop and think about why before answering. More often than not you will realize that your actions have a certain logic or order to them and you will be able to communicate it clearly to your husband. This will make him happy. Men like to be reassured that their women are capable of logical thought processes.
Those times when you realize you don't have a good reason for doing it a certain way, just admit it. If you're doing it that way because that's what you want, admit that too. Don't try to defend something that's indefensible, it just makes you look, well, silly. Try a quick laugh or smile and the admission, "I hadn't really thought about it that way, thanks hon." This will go a long way to helping him keep in mind that you are a competent individual, even though you are so very different from him.
Carrien still insists on folding all the shirts at her house because no one else does it right. She and her husband, along with their three children, are planning to move to Thailand this year to launch their nonprofit organization The Charis Project. She blogs about it all at she laughs at the days.
Read the other posts in this series: #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10.
Do you have any irrational quirks or particular ways of doing things that your husband just doesn't understand? Are you guilty of insisting that things are done a certain way? We can form a support group at The League!
Not a member of The League of Extraordinary Wives? E-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com for an invitation.
Photo credits: D3 San Francisco, hamed masoumi
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