The table in the photo is a constant reminder to me of a fight that never happened. It is also a reminder of how many fights don't need to happen.
The story begins in Canada as we prepared to move to California several years ago. The price of crossing a border one way in a moving truck was prohibitive, so we loaded everything we could take into two moving vans for the long road trip down. My husband's constant refrain was, "Just get rid of it, we'll buy another one when we get there."
As there was no other choice, we got rid of it, many times over.
Imagine my bitter disappointment on the other end to realize that my husband's version of buy another one when we get there was vastly different from my own. He figured we would replace the necessities. We didn't agree about what necessities are. Try arguing with a guy who has spent a lot of time in South East Asia, where there is virtually no furniture at all, that a dining table, couch, and cute computer hutch are necessities. His retort is, "Whole families sleep and eat on the floor, why can't we?"
Then when I priced out the cost of new anything, my fantasies about finally getting that cute designer space finally evaporated completely. I was bitterly disappointed.
I could have taken out my frustration on my husband. I was sorely tempted to. Instead, for a change, I decided to see if there was something I could do about the situation.
The one thing that was nonnegotiable for me, especially with small children, was to have a table; to eat off of, to put my sewing machine on, where the kids could do school work, etc. So with two days to go before we moved into our new apartment, I set out to solve the problem. This of course was after several private sessions of bitter tears and self pity.
I converted the pile of wood from an old play structure at my in-laws house into the table above. I mastered power tools. I designed and planned the whole thing myself. I had never done anything like it before. I was lucky to have the space and supplies to do it with.
I built it all by myself and I never once complained to my husband about my disappointment. I'm very fond of my table, even though the benches are a bit wobbly, and not just because I built it with my own two hands for free. It stands as a reminder to me that complaining and fighting about something is a fruitless waste of time. With the same energy, I can take matters into my owns hands and do something constructive. That is a gift to both of us.
In the end we did finally get a couch. But not until after months of sitting on cushions on the floor. And I went on to figure out how to make a computer hutch out of an IKEA shelf for about $40. I'm typing at it right now.
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