Comments on: “Friending” Your Ex on Facebook

By: Malia

Malia — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:04:36 +0000

Great info, Christy! Thanks for providing that info about privacy settings.

By: Christy

Christy — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:37:07 +0000

Facebook acts as a sort of news network about yourself — your family, your friends, your activities — that can only be used by people to whom you give express permission.

From that perspective, adding someone as a friend on Facebook isn’t so much of an acknowledgment of friendship as it is allowing that person into your personal news network — letting them read all about your life, and contribute (or merely observe) as they see fit.

My concerns, then, would be similar to Kirsetin’s — who gets to see what is essentially my personal life, online?

I don’t hesitate — and nor do I see a foul, or harm done — to limit access to, or even refuse to add, people who perhaps shouldn’t see this much of me. Certain acquaintances, work associates (especially superiors), people who make you uncomfortable, exes: if you have any doubt that this person should have full access to your life, do something about it.

The best part: Facebook is granular enough to control exactly how individual people see you, and how much they can see. Go to

/Settings/Privacy Settings/Profile

and type in one of your friend’s names. From here, you can control exactly what that person sees when they view your profile.

If you’re concerned about re-connecting with someone from your past, you can use these features to preempt something you might not want to happen.

By: mandy

mandy — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 12:10:26 +0000

My husband & I are both facebook friends with some of our exes. Certainly, there are some that you draw the line with.. using wisdom. There are even some that we communicate with as friends. but the very important distinction is we both have complete access to each other’s facebooks and e-mail accounts. While I know at anytime one of us could decide to sneak behind each other’s back and cheat at our safeguards in place… I think that is always the risk in marriage.

By: Hip Mom's Guide

Hip Mom's Guide — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 02:01:03 +0000

Britt,

I can’t imagine how hard that was–I appreciate your sharing this so we can all learn from your experience.

Kirsetin

By: Britt

Britt — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 22:37:37 +0000

I messaged back and forth with an old flame. One night my husband saw some of the messages and it crushed him. The look I saw on his face brings me to tears this day. IT’S NOT WORTH IT! Even if you think it’s harmless fun, it could very quickly turn into something more than that. I never intended to meet up or do anything outside of the internet, but the reminiscing and the “what-if”s were extremely unhealthy. I will never again do anything I wouldn’t be 100% comfortable having my husband see.

By: Jackie Sarager

Jackie Sarager — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:40:05 +0000

I have only added on as a friend because his profile was private, and I wanted to see how much better off my life was.

I looked once, and haven’t been back since.