Has marriage wiped out your memory of how to “hang out” with your spouse?
Since about a year after my husband and I started dating, and had had our first discussion of marriage, I began to picture what it would be like to be married; to spend almost all of your time together. We spent most of our summers apart in the 3 years we dated and it was hard. The thought of being together 24/7 sounded like pure bliss, Wedded Bliss, if you will.
Once we were married, back from our honeymoon and had all of our gifts opened, we were left staring at each other, wondering, "What on earth do we do now?" It was different on our honeymoon; we could just sit there doing nothing, because that is what you are supposed to do on vacation. But at home, it felt like we should be doing something, you know? So…we tried everything we could think of. We watched movies, we played games (not so high up there on my list), we read magazines together and watched more movies. And still, there was this tension. It even caused a couple of our first arguments.
Finally, we talked about it, and decided that maybe the problem was the fact that we were trying to do everything together, and sometimes a person just needs a little time to themselves.
Though we still have this problem sometimes, when we really want to spend time together, but can’t think of what to do, we really took a lot of pressure off ourselves by just being content to do our own thing. Oh, and please note, we agreed not to have TV for the first year of marriage (at least), so perhaps this is why we run into trouble, but it really is awesome to not have the added distraction.
In case you find yourself in the same pickle, feeling stuck and unsure what to do with your spouse, here are some ideas:
- Watch a movie. Seems obvious, but to be different you can set up a projector and make your own personal theater, right in your home.
- Play a game. My new favorite is Mahjong.
- Date night. This can mean going out, or staying in, just make a production of it! Light some candles, make something yummy and turn on some music in the background.
- Work on a puzzle. I am not sure why, but sometimes a good puzzle can be very relaxing.
- Check off one of those honey-do projects. Think how much more motivated the husband will be to get one of your projects done if you are helping!
- If you too decide not to have TV, invest the $16.99 a month to get Netflix. We can still watch all of the TV shows we like on DVD and it really makes you look forward to and appreciate watching something together. We have watched the first season of 24 and Mad Men this way. We love our TV nights!
- Cook together. I never thought this would be the case, but I love to cook. And my husband loves to bake, well, cookies at least. Hanging out in the kitchen together is a fun way to rehash the day’s events and produce something yummy at the same time!
- Um, well, you know. Like the ladies over at the 1 Corinthians Challenge are working on, now that you are married you get to do the *fun* stuff! Live it up!
Kaleigha is the author of TAYLOR loves KALEIGHA, where she writes about life, love and books.
Extraordinary Wives, do you have fun ways of "just hanging" with your husband? Be sure to share your ideas and experiences at The League!
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Great article. I'm not yet married, but me and my other half have been living together for over a year now and we are certainly always looking for new things to do.
#7 did this tonight. I forgot how fun it is just to "hang out" with my spouse of 18 years . . . very fun. Thanks for posting!