Anyone who has had multiples knows just how much attention you get while you're out in public. There's something about seeing more then one baby side by side that brings out the curiosity in people.
And who can blame them? Multiple babies are so darn cute!
But before you approach a mom of multiples consider a few things first.
1. Does she already look overwhelmed with running toddlers or crying babies? If so, rather then ask questions consider offering help. She may very well need it.
2. Instead of asking whether or not she has twins or triplets ask how old the children are. This will immediately answer your question without any guesses on your part. If I tell you that all three of my girls are two then you know they are triplets. I have had many women argue with me over whether or not I have triplets since one of my girls doesn't look like the others. They don't all look alike but they were all born together.
3. If you want to start off a conversation tell her she has beautiful children or that she is blessed. We would much rather hear a nice compliment then being told our hands are full.
4. If the mom seems interested in conversation then feel free to ask how long she carried them or what their personalities are like. We all love to talk about our kids and triplet moms are no exception. Just remember that she may be in a hurry and if the kids get unruly she may have to bolt.
5. Please don't ask if her triplets are natural. All children are natural no matter how they came to be. This is generally something very private. And asking if multiples run in the family is a very close version of the first question. We know what you're asking. However, if you are struggling with infertility and want to ask questions because of that be open and maybe she will be open in return.
6. If there are other children besides the multiples please acknowledge them. My triplets get so much attention and it is always very nice when someone asks questions of their big brother or big sister first. All children are important whether they are of multiple birth or not.
7. Remember that every mom and every person is different. If you are polite I don't mind being stopped unless my girls are crying. And questions don't bother me but not every mom is the same. I know some mothers of triplets who are extremely shy and not used to being the center of so much attention. It's often a hard thing to adjust to the "fame." And while this may be the first set of triplets that you have seen it's not the first time their mom has been stopped.
It is not an easy task to adjust to having high order multiples or the extra attention that goes along with it. I have been stopped in parking lots and in malls. I have been photographed by complete strangers without permission. It's something I'm slowly adjusting to (and may miss when they're older) but for now if you want to say "hi" please do. Just remember I already know my hands are full, I too am glad it's me not you, yes they are all mine and if I have to bolt it's nothing personal. I just don't want to lose one!
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Great post…
I am so with you on number three…. I realise most people are just interested but when you start a conversation with 'double trouble' an insult to me and my children I am really not going to be in the mood to chat, but if you tell me how lovely my children are or how lucky I am, I'll probably be happy to tell you everything you want to know!
I love this!!
Thank you!!
Thank you! I just wrote a post about this. I always get comments, but lately it's been really bad. I had someone taking pictures of us at the park. I little frustrating and rude.
These are great tips! I wish I had them when my twins were younger. And yes, you will miss when people no longer recognize them as twins. Its a great blessing as you already know.
Karin
Thank you for writing this!
Another pet peeve of mine, and more so when my three were infants (they are 5 now), was asking me their names. I could never understand the relevance to a complete stranger and found it creepy. Not as creepy as the requests for pictures though.
Also, I have always wanted to answer "Better you than me" with "Apparently," but have never had the nerve…
Okay, I don't have multiples, but have friends (and soon to be family) who do. This was a very helpful post and I will definitely remember these tips in future! But the taking of photos?! That is just plain weird. I would get really angry of that.
Btw, your children are lovely….ALL of them.
When I was pregnant with my twins, a man said to me "if I were you, I'd kill myself!" Since he was someone I worked with, and in general a very nice man, I corrected him nicely.
People often just blurt things out before they think, don't they?
Now my (boy/girl) twins are eleven, and my singleton seven; we don't get a second look or even a "wow, your hands are full!" I don't really miss the attention, but having twin children remains a wonderful experience.
#6 is a really important one.
So far, thankfully no one has ever committed suicide after finding out they had triplets! Why? Because they are such a blessing
And we too gets lots of pictures taken by people we don't know – no idea why?!
Dorinda, thanks so VERY much for sharing this! It is great!
I have posted a link to this piece via Twitter (MaureenDBoyle) and Facebook (Maureen A. Doolan Boyle) to go along with our Public Attention business cards for Multiple Birth parents:
FREE Multiple Birth Parents how to handle personal questions when out in public
http://mostonline.org/sunshop/dd/PublicAttentionCards.pdf
You are so spot on!
Maureen
Thanks for sharing! This is great
I can't imagine taking pictures of someone else's children. That's just wrong. I am very careful with pictures of MY kids playing with other people's kids!!!
What a wonderful list – we all need a shirt or cards to just hand to people that are so invasive of our families. My trio are 4 and I still get all those questions. Being outgoing doesn't mean I love the invasive questions – it wears me out and pushes me over the edge most of the time.
You've got your hands full gets better full than empty for my reply. That makes them think. lol
Thanks! Great insite from another HOM mom.
I could not have said any of this better. I just love the title..the comments and I want to know if I can post on my blog with you being the author of course. It is just so simple and it is so truthful. Thanks for posting and making the answers to some of these difficult questions seem so easy.
Heather Mott
Awesome job Dorinda!
I have to say, number 2 made me laugh. Like you wouldn't know how many children you birthed at one time.
A friend of mine has six kids so gets the "wow you must have your hands full" comment a lot. She has a little phrase in her signature that goes "if you think my hands are full you should see my heart",