What is the best way to teach your kids about winning and losing? Generally speaking, I try to find a healthy balance between making them play to win while I try to lose. At some point in their lives, however, my kids need to understand how to be a good loser.
Tonight gave them an interesting opportunity. After a plea for a game of Monopoly Junior, the Princess Edition, I joined my daughters in choosing our princesses and doling out the cash. Purely through the luck of the die, I found myself owning nearly three times as many properties as my daughters (okay, I admit, for about 5 minutes, my competitive juices ran freely. I think that happened because I have lost so many Monopoly games in my day. Please try not to hold it against me). In only five minutes, the damage was done.
Thankfully, my four-year-old didn't seem to notice if she was winning or losing. In fact, she had in her head that the first person to run out of money was the winner. I did consider for a split-second changing the rules, but I figured that would only lead to a bigger headache down the road.
My seven-year-old is usually a very bitter loser. And it was quite clear that she was losing. She was handling the pain of loss surprisingly well, but I knew I had better find a way to cut off the game before she lost her last two dollars. Thankfully, bedtime provided a easy excuse, and the girls left to get their pajamas.
I decided to call my elder daughter back so I could praise her for being such a good sport about losing. She immediately broke down, crying on my shoulder. I rubbed her back and talked about how hard it is to lose. I confessed that I had never won a Monopoly game before. I promised her that another game could lead to a completely different outcome. Before too long, she was planning her strategy for our next game.
I hated to see her pain at losing, but the truth of the matter is that she will not always win. Nearly everything she tackles comes quickly and easily to her. In fact, most things come to her more quickly and easily than for her peers and certainly for her siblings. We have plenty of opportunity to teach her to be a gracious and humble winner.
There will be times that she has to deal with losing, however, and I want her to be as prepared for that as she is to be a gracious success. My hope is that tonight was a positive step in her learning process.
(photo by Bombardier)
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that's such a tough (but i agree…important) thing to teach your kids. we struggle with this at our home, too. our triplets are very competitive. obviously, they can't all win every time.
It is a tough lesson. My mom taught me that a big part of winning is losing. If you can't lose gracefully, you shouldn't deserve to win, either.
I am teaching my boy that one, and yeah, we've had a few Chutes & Ladders and Candyland tantrums, but they're subsiding as he gets older (he's 3.5) I know that because of the lesson his Grandma taught me, that he'll be as gracious a loser as he will be a winner someday.
I totally agree with you but WOW it's hard, isn't it? LOL
Corinna