Is it ever OK to lie to your husband?
I'm sure most of us would agree that you should never lie about "big stuff", i.e. money, sex, issues with the children, legal matters, etc., but what about so-called "benign" lies? Statements like, "you look great!" or "your family is wonderful!" or "great job on the yard!" even if in fact those statements aren't completely true in your opinion?
An article from Women's Day Magazine, Should You Lie to Your Husband?, lists eight common "fibs" that wives tell and the benefit or damage that can come from such non-truths. For example:
Lie 6: Great job on cleaning up the yard/garage/basement.
Verdict: BenignThis is the best kind of white lie…because it “points out the positive and ignores the negative.” He spent hours in the yard, mowing, weeding, raking and edging? Fantastic! Your yard still looks less than lovely? Who cares? Something was accomplished, and highlighting what wasn’t will only guarantee that he won’t be out there next weekend to finish the job.
I see what they are getting at here, but do you actually have to lie about it? Wouldn't a simple, "Thank you for your efforts in the yard today; I really appreciate what you do for our home!" be more prudent? If you don't think the yard looks fantastic, then why say so?
Our mothers always told us that honesty is the best policy. Sometimes it feels easier to smudge the truth to save feelings or to be tactful. I fear that "small lies", even when told with the best of intentions, open the door to dishonesty that could be harmful.
What do you think? Look at the list of lies in the article, have you ever told any of those? Is it ever OK to be even a little bit dishonest?
photo credits: discoodoni, easyrab
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Sheesh! What an ugly article. I think one sentence summed up why I would crumple it up and throw it in the trash. “your satisfaction is more important than his ego”. What if it were in a men's magazine and said the exact same thing about his satisfaction being more important than his wife's ego? Ugly. Just ugly.
I believe that we can all appreciate our great guys form the most honest truthful place in our hearts. And that? Makes these white and not so white lies unnecessary.
I cannot speak to what is right for everyone, only myself and my relationship. Scott and I don't lie about anything, even the small stuff. Being very open and honest about everything is part of why we have such a great relationship. I think candy coding the small things is silly and unnecessary. Being open and honest about everything makes it very easy to talk about anything and everything.
I won't lie and say that Scott loves when I tell him he could have done the lawn better, or that I love it when he tells me I didn't clean well enough somewhere in the house. I just know that in the end, it improves our relationship. I guess we feel like if you don't like something, it will never get fixed if you don't mention it. So, we mention it all. LOL!
I agree with Joei… "Sheesh!" I think once you start lying about the "small benign" things, you start down the slippery slope. I am from a marriage that nearly ended in ruin, after miscommunication, lies, and deceptions slowly crept into my home. It started slowly, and nearly ended in disaster. I praise God I have a good marriage now, but not before there was great pain.
Also, if you lie about the little stuff, how will he know if he can trust you in the big stuff? How can you build an intimate relationship unless you are 100% truthful?