Have you ever read an article or seen the news and Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher & Bruce Willis are all smiling as one big happy family? Do you see these articles and think only in Hollywood? I do. Every.Single.Time. Funny thing is that before I was a 'blended family' I never would have imagined it was possible to be "real" and have that kind of relationship, however now…now I am living proof that it does exist outside Hollywood.
I am fortunate enough to be able to cross the barriers on all sides of the blended family. This is not to say that we have not had our 'moments,' but as adults we've been able to put our differences aside and are enjoying a new meaning to the words extended family. My stepson lives with his mother in a different state, but we get him for most holidays and all summer, so imagine the change in our regular routine when we add a boy to the mix of all girls. It is a totally different game, but I can call his mother and we can laugh about an oddball conversation that took place, what 'gross' smelly things boys do (as opposed to girls) etc. It's an opportunity that allows me (the step-mother) to understand my stepson as if he was with us all the time.
As a member of a blended family, we deal with the sharing of holidays/birthdays/summer vacations etc. It can be as tough on the adults as it is on the kids, especially as they get older. Learning to navigate and building a relationship with the other side of the family dynamics is important. Because of this, there hasn't been a birthday we've missed, Christmas is a gift giving, celebration for ALL the children and family vacations are something that we get to share together. Even though we may not always agree, we can always agree the children deserve the best, and for us – having them know they are loved and supported is what is most important.
***Kel is the mother to 3 "love them to death" children whom, no matter how hard she tries to hide from, cannot escape. She blogs about her mis-adventures and soul searching at CafeKel.
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Good for you! Not all adults in our situations can put aside their own feelings (whether they be jealousy, anger, inadequacy, etc) to do what's best for the children. My stepson was 14 months when I met my husband. He is now 13, and as you've mentioned, he is thrown in to a family of girls during summers, holidays, every other weekend, and so on. His mother and I talk on the phone several times a week, email, and even get together when I'm able to get out of the house once in awhile. Her and I are both musicians and we've gotten together to play/write before. WE can easily say we are great friends!! Its amazing what this can do for the children!