Navigating intimacy in marriage is tricky business. Unfortunately, as humans, we are continually changing. This is even more noticeable in women especially if you're a woman who is, will become or has been pregnant.
I most often see complaints about sex and intimacy in marriage from mothers of babies and young children. This is one of the most difficult times in a woman's life to be interested in and engage in physical intimacy with our husbands. Everything from sleep deprivation to body image issues to physical discomfort plague us.
The best advice I have for you is simply to be prepared. If you think about your intimate times, you can pretty much pinpoint when they are going to happen. Yes, there will be spontaneous interludes from time to time but more often than not, we fall into a fairly regular pattern of lovemaking. For example, if your husband travels a lot you probably find yourselves having sex right before he leaves and soon after his return. Or, if you are both working outside the home, you may find that the weekends are your time to be together.
With that in mind, I give you my top 4 of tips for being prepared for intimate times with your husband!
- Have lubrication available. If you don't already have a preferred lubricant, my suggestion is this personal lubricant from Good Clean Love. It's all natural and it works very well. Keep lubrication in your bedside table and have a second tube/jar on hand so that you don't run out! Nothing kills the mood faster or makes you feel more uncomfortable in lovemaking than vaginal dryness. And often times our hormones just don't want to cooperate with us so having this readily available at all times is crucial.
- Get some rest. I know it's technically not possibly to "catch up" on sleep but at least get as much rest as possible before your lovemaking session. If you're looking forward to the weekend, get to bed at a reasonable hour for a few nights beforehand. If you have young children at home, nap when they nap for a couple of days. You want to be alert and awake, not yawning and barely able to keep your eyes open.
Take some time for personal grooming. Shower. Brush your teeth. Shave. I know this sounds obvious but I also know how long moms go between showers and shaving! I've been there, too. (Still am, actually!) This is really to make you feel better about yourself. Your husband may not really care since he knows what's about to happen! But we girls like to feel feminine and lovely. Even doing this the "morning of" is effective. This way you'll know that you are ready for kissing and touching and being touched.- Prepare your mind. Your most crucial sex organ is your brain. Take a few moments to relax, breathe deeply and let worries and stresses fall away. If you're thinking about the next day or a project or going to the grocery store, jot down a list so that you know you won't forget anything. Then, fantasize. Not about Hugh Jackman or the cute barista at Starbucks. Think about your husband. Think about the things he does to you that you really like. Think about the things about him that turn you on. His eyes? Lips? Hands? Remember an especially satisfying time of lovemaking between the two of you. By now your heart rate should have picked up and you're breathing a bit quicker.
Now you're prepared and in the mood!
photo credits: stock.xchng and Jyn Meyer
Loading ...
great points. I am often so tired that is difficult to make my brain switch gears. I need to keep these things in mind. thanks!
I would add: Don't forget to ASK for what you need to be ready for sex. Tired? Ask your mate to watch the kids for a while, or make a trip to the grocery store. Need an emotional connection first? Tell him. Men aren't mind readers, and they are often more than willing to help out if you just ask (especially if they know it will leave you in a better mood for sex later!).