Comments on: Open Adoption: I am a Real Mommy

By: Cynthia - GoodEnoughWitch.com

Cynthia - GoodEnoughWitch.com — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:01:49 +0000

Thank you again to all of you for sharing your intimate feelings with me and the rest of the world about what it means to be someone’s ‘real mom’. As I state in the post, I believe the key to all this is education and educating people that we are our children’s “real mommies’ every single day of their lives.

We are their constants.

By: mccn

mccn — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:06:15 +0000

Thank you! I am printing this out, and sending it to my mom – my REAL mom, who is also the woman who adopted me at seven months. It is such a recurring hurtful thing to encounter, this “but what about your real mom” question.

By: Karen

Karen — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:10:15 +0000

Thank you for sharing! This is so true. I am the adoptive (but oh so real) mother to 4 miracles and I call the woman who gave birth to them their birthmothers too. That is what my oldest calls her as well. I tell my kids that it takes a special kind of love for a birthmother to give up her child to provide the best care for that child and it takes a special kind of love for a woman to adopt and become their mother. My oldest is 13yo and will quickly tell you her story because she is proud of her story and I know my youngest 3 will feel the same way when they are old enough to understand. I also have 2 open (as in we still communicate) but private (as in we didn’t use an agency) adoptions. I love the power of adoption to build families. God Bless!

By: edschreib

edschreib — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:03:11 +0000

As an adoptive mom of a 4 year old, I hear things like this all the time. I think that each time I help educate a person to how this works, I like to think of it as a way to open up another door for families who are waiting patiently for their bundle of joy to enter their lives.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:16:34 +0000

My daughter placed my first granddaughter in a home of open adoption. from the other side of things, the birth mother is often asked ” you just gave your baby away?!?” as if she was a pair of old shoes and my daughter had not given it much thought. Over the years people along the way have said some really rude things to my daughter. Heart breaking to say the least. It just shows they have no CLUE what adoption is all about and have obviously never experienced it first hand on either side of the issue. I just don’t want to believe that people are that intensive on purpose.

By: midlife mommy

midlife mommy — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 11:33:17 +0000

I’ve heard comments like that from my family in referring to my daughter (who was conceived using donor eggs). The fear was that if we told her of her origins (and we will, as the questions arise), someday she would go searching for her “real” mother. Ugh.

By: Cynthia - GoodEnoughWitch.com

Cynthia - GoodEnoughWitch.com — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 06:31:13 +0000

Yep, the “real mom” comment is a tough one. Did I mention I was crying when I wrote this? But I wanted to share it, so other real mommies like me know they’re not alone.

That always helps I think.

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 19:13:29 +0000

The real mom question bothers me, but what is the worst is when people ask if my kids are related or brother and sister (two are adopted). Um I’m pretty sure that since they are all my kids that they must be related as in brother and sister.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 15:11:54 +0000

The real mom question bothers me more and more as my child gets older and more aware. It just makes me crazy.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 13:36:16 +0000

Bless you for writing this. I hate when people ask the dreaded “her real mom” questions about my girls. Being able to reproduce does not automatically make you a real mom. Loving your child unconditionally makes you a “real mom” and whether you gave birth to them or whether you adopted them makes no difference.