R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Does that word have you singing the old Aretha song? That one little word has resonated with fans throughout the years in part, I think, because we get it. We all get it. Is there anyone who doesn't desire a healthy dose of respect from others – from our friends, family, and even strangers?
When it comes to marriage, it's the same story: we deeply desire the respect of our spouse. And, in the beginning, it seems pretty simple. It seems easy, even. Because when you've recently fallen in love, there's no end to the things you admire and respect about your beloved and he admires and respects about you. Easy as pie.
Flash forward. Add pets, a house, yard work, and jobs. Throw in a couple of kids, housework, chores, chores and a few more chores. Add different interests and new friendships. Mix in a healthy dose of difficult parenting choices, less and less time together as a couple, and there you have it: A Full-Blown Recipe for Disaster.
If you think I'm exaggerating, I promise you I'm not. Disrespect of the highest order sneaks into anger-laden phrases like, "That's how you're going to discipline him?" or "I finally just mowed the lawn myself." Having a good marriage is hard work. Even if you never buy a house, own a pet, or have kids, the joining of two lives-regardless of the aforementioned feelings of love-is a difficult proposition. The rewards are endless, but they're not effortless.
If you're feeling a bit slighted in the R-E-S-P-E-C-T category, there's a good chance your spouse is feeling that way, too. Try something different this time: focus on him. Turn the tables by showing respect for your husband even when you don't feel like it. (Perhaps especially when you don't feel like it.) Keep a running list of the special qualities that drew you to him in the first place, and think about how they manifest themselves in your lives today. Keep a list of those things, too. Focus on the pluses. They're there, you might just have to look a little harder for them.
When we look for the good, and find it, we often feel thankful. And being thankful is a great precursor to showing (and receiving) respect.
photo credit: gwaar and Evil Erin
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Thanks for the reminder to look for the good. We all know we're supposed to do that, but it's easy to forget to put it into practice.
Why does it always seem to be about him??? How do we get husbands to respect us for all that we bring to the marriage/family?