This is a story of why a frazzled mom of multiples should listen to her stylist.
At 4:30 yesterday afternoon, and not a moment too soon, Gracie and I headed off to the hair salon. Her hair hadn’t been cut since last September, and mine needed a color boost.
After driving through Starbucks for my summer treat — an iced, grande, soy, green tea latte, I sank into the salon chair with a People magazine and a whole lot of courage.
“I’m ready to try to go a smidge lighter,” I informed my favorite hair fixer-upper, whom I affectionately refer to as The Guru.
You see, one morning about 6 weeks ago, I looked into the mirror and felt just plain blah. Whether it was the 6 new gray hairs or the lovehandles or the dark circles under my eyes that made me feel compelled to do something to add a spring to my step I’m not sure. But the “something” that I decided to do–within 24 minutes of that mirror-mirror-on-the-wall moment–was call The Guru and book an appointment for some highlights.
Because highlights always perk you up. Right?
She knows me well, so The Guru suggested we not do anything too drastic in the wake of what I was then calling my mid mid-life crisis. “Let’s just lighten it a little,” she offered. “It’ll make you feel brighter. Next time we can go even lighter…if you want.”
Spectacular.
And so, yesterday, I announced that it was time to go lighter.
“Are you sure?” asked the bearer of blonde. “Are you having another mid mid-life crisis?”
“Well, I’m not sure I’m finished with the last one,” I responded. “But you cannot IMAGINE the day I’ve had. I need to go out with a bang.”
Warning: Ending a bad day with a bang when the bang involves a major hair-color overhaul? Not an even remotely good idea.
“Now, I usually advise people NOT to do something crazy with their hair when in the midst of a 2-month-long mid mid-life crisis,” The Guru cautioned.
Do you think I listened?
2 1/2 hours later, I lay rather uncomfortably with my head in the shampoo bowl. After rinsing, and toning, and conditioning (and toning) and rinsing some more (and toning), The Guru advised, “You can sit up now!”
As I slowly went vertical, I caught my daughter’s eye. She’d looked up briefly from her dog catalog in which she had circled everything as a mandatory purchase for her not-yet-acquired-nor-in-her-parents’-plans-to-be-acquired dog and had done a very obvious double-take.
Folks, when you sit up from the shampoo bowl and, from 30 feet away, your daughter is looking at you like this…
…it’s not a good sign.
I located the nearest mirror, cautiously leaned in from the side so as to view only a hair at a time, and watched my own eyes grow to an until now unchartered diametric measurement.
Noting my reaction, The Guru asked, “Is it too light?”
“Um, I don’t know,” I responded hesitantly. “Am I glowing?”
“Well, if you wake up tomorrow and haven’t gotten used to it, just come back in and I’ll put some more toner on it.”
“What will that do?” I asked, still unable to take my eyes off of the apparition looking back at me (and painfully aware that Gracie was still frozen with her mouth agape).
I slowly rose from the shampoo bowl’s chair just as The Guru informed, “It’ll tone it down. Oh, and just so you know, it’s going to be even lighter when it’s dry.”
Spectacular.
We drove home in silence. I was too afraid to ask questions. Gracie was likely too afraid to breathe.
Upon entering my home, the boys — who wouldn’t notice if I grew three feet or a long, purple tail — stared at me with much the same expression as Gracie had, by then, perfected.
Big Daddy was the only who wasn’t shocked into muteness.
“Um, Mom?” he asked, in his most sensitive voice. “Hi!”
“Hello, Jack,” I moaned.
“Um, Mom?” he continued, with a slight tilt of his head and great concern in his voice, “What’s goin’ on with the hair?”
Cancel everything. The 5 kids and I will be spending our morning at the salon with The Guru and a big bottle of toner.
(photos by lotushead and author)
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so funny! your daughter's expression is priceless!
my stylist has been given full veto power when i enter her chair with visions of a new do erasing all that the stress of my crazy life has done to what i see in the mirror every day. thank goodness, too, because i've had some pretty far-out-there ideas. she has stared me down while telling me "under no circumstances will i do what you just requested." i love her. so much.