I’m about to do something I loathe: I’m going to offer you a little unsolicited advice. I loathe this mostly because I loathe receiving it. If I want your opinion, I’ll ask. Otherwise, I find it rather insulting to be offered advice nilly willy, as if I haven’t the brains to think something through for myself.
For this topic, however, experience counts. No matter how smart you are, how savvy, how very much in love with your husband-to-be, you can’t hold a candle to experience. So here it is, the one thing I think every newly married couple absolutely ought to do: create a budget.
Ugghh. I know, you were hoping for something a little more racy, weren’t you? But racy isn’t what you’ll argue about. It isn’t what will drive your decisions and impact your future. It isn’t even what’s hardest to talk about.
I remember when my husband and I were engaged. We were out of college just a year or two and we were both focusing on our careers. In the house where I grew up, talking specifics about money was definitely taboo. Déclassé’. We talked about saving and we talked about hard work. But we certainly didn’t talk about salaries; that was private business and only discussed by the incredibly uncouth. As such, when I got engaged, I found it incredibly difficult to discuss money. How would we combine our income? Would we? How much did he make, exactly? How would we decide how much to save? How much to spend? These were tricky waters for me, friends.
Thankfully, the pastor who married us required that we participate in a pre-marital counseling class. It met weekly, and each week we discussed, at length, different topics, one of which was finances. Whew! I wasn’t uncouth; I was just doing the assignment! How much do you make, anyway? How much do you save every month? How much did that stereo cost?
These conversations paved the way for the finance system we’ve now used for 17 years. Early on, before kids and houses and all sorts of other expenses entered the picture, we were able to sit down and decide on our ideals. We learned how to live beneath our means and set goals for the future. How much would we save? How much would we give? Spend? To help us manage our new household, we purchased Quicken, probably the first version ever!, and began the habit of meticulously entering our expenses. Because of that simple decision, we can track what we’ve spent on groceries, entertainment, and even cleaning supplies through all of these years. I can tell you, without question, that if you have three boys your grocery bill will more than double. Those boys can eat!
Does having finance discussions and setting a budget mean you and your husband won’t argue about money? Sorry, ladies, it doesn’t. Skirmishes are bound to arise. But if you’ve laid the groundwork, and you’re on the same page, they’ll be fewer and easier to solve.
That’s a wedding gift every marriage can use.
photo credit: purpleslog, Jeff Keen
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I think that is great advice! I certainly thinking talking about money is a great way to solve problems before they start. You and your husband are partners and something as big as money you need to be on the same page. I'm happy my husband and I did it and we continue to be open about it.
You're right in handing out this advice. We were open when talking about money but we didn't actually have any serious talk about it for about 2 years and that was AFTER several huge arguments. Anyway, now we track our monthly expenses and know where the money is. Much happier!