Comments on: What We Can Learn From Arranged Marriages

By: S

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 04:24:28 +0000

No worries…I just wanted to point out that it’s not really the norm…so many misconceptions exist as it is, I didn’t want to perpetuate any more. : )

By: carrien (she laughs at the days)

carrien (she laughs at the days) — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 06:58:06 +0000

S-I only said that because at least two of my friends who had arranged marriages met in this way, and they are younger than I. I don’t know the details of the others but I get the impression that they too only met just before their wedding.

By: S

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 03:54:09 +0000

A modified form of the traditional arranged marriage takes place every day here in the US too…for those of us whose families are from “back home” but we were born and/or raised here, our families often play a critical role in our marriages.

I did however, find this statement of yours disturbing: “When you meet your spouse for the first time the day before you marry them…”. Of the many couples I know who had arranged marriages, only one would fall under this category, and their marriage took place about 30 years ago. So this is most definitely not the norm at all anymore…we almost always have a time period in which we get to know the prospective spouse and actually make the decision to marry him/her or not – it’s never a forced arrangement.

By: Hip Mom's Guide

Hip Mom's Guide — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 22:28:12 +0000

Carrien, This is a great post and very insightful. Although most of us in western marriages “know” these things are true, it’s interesting to see couples in arranged marriages living them out. I especially like your first point…that they “don’t expect it to be all unicorns and rainbows.” That’s great! Funny, but we totally get it.

By: Midlife mommy

Midlife mommy — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 20:53:53 +0000

I’d heard those things before, many years ago from a man I worked with who also came from India. I was left with the impression that their system, odd as it may have seemed to me, had a lot of good points. I wouldn’t choose that. but I understand things better now.

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:17:55 +0000

I am also one who sees the beauty in these marriages. I think you brought up some very good points. Thanks for writing this :~)

By: Cesia

Cesia — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 21:51:46 +0000

I found this interesting. I do think that a lot of people get in the wrong relationships because of emotions, or because they don’t know what a good mate for them would be. But I think the ultimate key for all marriages, even ones that aren’t ideal, is the commitment and the “divorce is not an option” mentality. Me and the Hubster were both raised by parents who emphasized this, and it changes your whole attitude about marriage.

(Of course, there are always situations like adultery and abuse that change things.)

- Cesia.

By: Qtpies7

Qtpies7 — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 17:16:38 +0000

I border on thinking arranged marriages are the way to go! Because you are not married based on fleeting attractions, and are commited to making things work. They know that loving is a choice, not a feeling.
Feelings come and go, commitment is there to stay.