(You might find this surprising, but most errands and chores are easier on the rare occasion I find myself alone.)

I told Mark that I wouldn’t be coming home for lunch, and that was that.

Until lunchtime. When Mark and Annalyn showed up at my office. Reportedly, that little girl had spent the last hour saying, “Mommy? See her? Mommy? See her?”

So being the good dad that he is, Mark brought her to see her mommy.

Okayyyyyy. Off to Target we went. We swept through the baby section, searching for a birthday party outfit and hurried over to the candy section to look for candy bananas to put on the cupcakes. Then as I paid for a shirt, a pair of pants, some small black shoes and a stuffed Elmo that I’d hid behind my back for 10 minutes, Mark got Annalyn buckled into the car.

I ran out of the store (okay, I walked briskly, let’s be real here), and we sped off to McDonald’s, where we snarfed value meals and begged Annalyn to eat something other than our fries.

And where I found myself saying, “Stop! Don’t touch me with those hands! Here, use this napkin. Yuck! Baby girl! Those are my work pants!”

I know, I know. Somehow, I let my errands and my work pants become more important than spending time with my daughter. I focused on not getting to the other store and the thought of stinky ketchup on my sleeve. And I almost missed that sweet girl just wanting to be with her mommy.

“Mommy? See her?” How could I think anything else was more important than that?

Reba McEntire sings a song called “Is There Life Out There?” and the video makes me cry every darned time I see it. It’s more of a mini-movie, really, about a mother who goes back to school and earns her college degree.

At the end of the video, her teacher returns a paper with an A but suggests she not submit stained work in the future. Those pages were stained because her daughter accidentally spilled coffee on her typewriter-typed report, an incident that reminded Reba’s character what was really important.

Reba tells her teacher, “I learned more from the stains than I did the paper.”

As I fussed at Annalyn about the ketchup on my sleeve and my pants, I thought about that scene.

I don’t want to be too busy to love on Annalyn. Time goes too fast and she’s already growing too much. I know this stage of Mommy-love and more hugs and one more kiss won’t last.

When we got back to my office – with a few minutes to spare, even – Mark told Annalyn to say goodbye.

“Buh-bye!” she said with a smile.
“How about a hug?” I asked.
“Okay!”
"I love you!" I said as she and Mark walked away.
"Wuv. Ooo."

Turns out I had plenty of time to do my other errand after work. And I’m pretty sure nobody noticed the ketchup stains on my clothes. Although it wouldn’t have mattered if they did. One day not far enough from now, I’ll be the one saying, “Annalyn? See her?”

So I’m taking all the hugs and kisses and unexpected lunch visits I can get.

Originally posted at Giving Up on Perfect.

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Maybe [Toddler] Therapy Would Help?

Every Thursday night, my parents come over for dinner and to watch Annalyn while I go to choir practice. For the first few months to a year and a half, they brought dinner with them.

But this fall, I decided that I can probably manage to make dinner one night a week, rather than my parents planning and cooking ahead, packing the meal and bringing it from their house 30 minutes away. Seriously.

So last week, I decided to make meatloaf, cheesy potatoes and green beans. I’d made the potatoes over the weekend, so all I had to do was defrost them during the day and pop them in the oven as soon as I got home. And how hard is it to dump a can of green beans on the stove and put a meatloaf together?

Harder than you’d think.

As we pulled into the driveway that evening, I told Annalyn that when we got inside, I’d have to work in the kitchen. (Normally, I spend my precious two hours with her just playing, leaving the chores for later . . . whenever that may be.)

She was fine for a little while, but when I was standing at the counter dumping breadcrumbs and ketchup into the bowl for the meatloaf, Annalyn decided she’d had enough of being neglected.

My smarty pants little girl got into the pantry and pulled out a packet of muffin mix, brought it over to me and said, “Muffins!”

I said, “Sure, baby, we can make muffins. After I finish the meatloaf.”

Well, my goodness. You would have thought I said, “No, sweetheart, you cannot have muffins. As a matter of fact, you can never eat bread again. And actually, I don’t think you can have dinner, either.”

Because her reaction? Pure meltdown. “Noooo! Muffin! Muffin! No wait! Muffin!!!”

This went on for a good 10-15 minutes. I kept telling her, calmly, that we could make the muffins, but she needed to be patient. I let her keep howling, because a) I needed to get the meatloaf cooking and b) I was kind of hoping my parents would arrive and catch her mid-fit.

And, oh, they did. After informing us (because I’m quite sure Annalyn cared as much as I did) that they could hear her racket in their car on the street, they distracted her and cheered her up. And gave her a bath.

So all was well then. But the good part of an hour leading up to their arrival? Not. Fun. And all over a little less attention than normal and MUFFINS.

Really?

I mean, I like my carbs, but that’s a little crazy!

It should not have surprised me when she had a meltdown the following night over wanting to push her stroller in the crowd, rather than ride in it. Clearly, logic is not at work here.

This all reminds me of the time Mark and I went to marriage counseling. Though the counselor [wisely] noted that Mark’s actions were causing many of our problems, he also told me that my reactions were part of the issue, too. I’ll never forget the valuable advice he gave me:

Keep your reaction in check with the level of the offense.

Hmmm . . . I wonder if that therapist sees toddlers?

Originally posted at Giving Up on Perfect.

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Every family has their own way of dealing with the picky eater. My mother’s family told her about the starving Armenians; mine told me about the starving Ethiopians. What do Rick and I do? We ignore it. That’s right, we ignore it. We continue to go about enjoying our dinner, engaging in conversations with the willing, and don’t let on that what we would really like to do is three snaps in z formation and scream, “EAT YOUR BROCCOLI MR. PICKY-PANTS.” Eventually we hit on topics that engage everyone and before you know it, everyone is eating. The beauty of this is that we all ate by choice and not because someone told us to do it. This is important, because there was no struggle, no issue of control. Our kiddos also realized that they weren’t going to get a second menu to make selections from after dinner—it was more of a “what you see is what you get” scenario. We also don’t expect clean plates.

Following are games that have helped us over the years. Perhaps they will do the same for you.

KEEP READING>>>>

(Original post by Rene)

(photo by stock.xchng)

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Or how about the constant "I want {fill in the blank}"? With the dramatically increased frequency of toy commercials on TV as we round the corner towards Christmas, I'm hearing that one A LOT.

So in a world where our children are shown more stuff than they could ever actually need and are encouraged to live as if they are entitled to anything and everything, I'm actively searching for effective ways to teach them about gratitude, generosity, and grace. And what better time of year to drive those lessons home than Thanksgiving?

In my search for resources, I found this great video where Dr. Christine Carter of University of California Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center gives some wonderful and practical tips for teaching gratitude to young children. If your family has other traditions or ways to teach/reinforce gratitude, please share!

(photo purchased from istockphoto)

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As a kid, my mom warned me about things like sitting too close to the TV, going outside with a wet head, and not letting my food digest before swimming. She even convinced me that eating Pop Rocks and drinking soda at the same time would cause my stomach to explode. While I can attest to the fact that Pop Rocks and soda do not, in fact, cause any bodily damage (other than a fun party-in-your-mouth effect), what about those other kernels of motherly advice? Is there any truth to them or were they all just scare tactics?

If you don’t wait an hour after eating before you go into the water, you’ll get stomach cramps and drown.
False. The idea behind this is that when your blood rushes to your stomach to help you digest food, you wouldn’t have enough circulation to keep your arms and legs working properly. The tale likely gained popularity in the 1950s and 1960s, when kids enjoyed local pools and lakes with far less lifeguard supervision than we have now. As a result, parents conjured up a way to keep kids at bay after lunchtime while they got some rest in. But according to HowStuffWorks, we have plenty of blood to keep all of our other parts running just fine after a meal. Some competitive swimmers even eat something immediately before a big meet to give them the energy they need to perform well. Also, during exercise, our bodies produce adrenaline that actually helps deliver oxygen to the muscles that need it most.

KEEP READING>>>>

original article by Danielle Samaniego

photo source

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Parenting is hard work. VERY hard work with no monetary pay. But the economy still has a huge impact on the stress that comes with parenting. MSNBC ran a great story about how these troubled economic times are adding stress to clashes over parenting. It's logical that when a family is worried about how they are going to pay their bills, the tension can mount and spill over into every other area of life. Unfortunately, the kids get caught in the crossfire. And marriages suffer.

So what can we do to recession-proof our parenting? How can we minimize the impact a poor economic situation has on our family's stress-levels?

• Make a conscious decision to be on the same team with your partner. Don't let the kids know you're in disagreement regarding a parenting choice. Because saavy kids (and aren't they all saavy these days?) will DIVIDE AND CONQUER!
• Find inexpensive or (better yet) free activities you can do as a family. If you're still finding ways to play together, you'll be less likely to be at each other's throats. But if your play is further busting your budget…it will only lead to more conflict.
• Take the time to encourage one another. I know I forget to tell my husband how much I appreciate that he works two jobs to keep our family going. I need to do better.
• Make saving money a family affair. Get the kids involved in coupon-clipping or organizing. Have a family yard sale and give them their own area for selling toys they have outgrown or gotten tired of.
• When you feel yourself about to lose your cool with the kids, take a moment to evaluate the REAL source of your stress. It's not your child's fault you're worried about losing your job or making the next mortgage payment.
• Remain consistent in your disciplining. If stress makes you lenient sometimes and hard-nosed other times, your children are going to be terribly confused. Likewise, if one parent reacts to the stress by adopting an anything-goes mentality with the kids and the other becomes a drill sergeant…well…that's obviously not going to play out well in the long run.

Above all, remember that your family will hopefully be around long after our economy picks back up. Focus on keeping things as positive as possible until that happens. Hang in there!

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Many new parents want to know if it’s okay to let their infant twins co-sleep (sleep together in the same crib/cot or bassinet). You will actually find that a good number of hospital nurseries will put twins together in the same bassinet and even incubator at times. Being together in the womb for so many months it seems natural that twins should remain in close proximity. When they are allowed to sleep next to one another they typically exhibit more relaxed, calm behavior. They also tend to do better at feedings and even show stronger vital signs. Numerous parents will continue the co-sleep arrangement for their twins when they bring them home, as well. It is basically a personal decision, but here are some things you should consider.

What kind of set up will you have? Twins can only sleep together in the same bassinet while they are still very small. They can sleep in the same crib, but only until around six months or until they start rolling over. You should have the extra bassinet or crib available in the event that it does not work out or other issues arise (i.e., one twin wakes the other up or gets sick). You may even decide on a “twin specific” crib, one that will accommodate both babies with a barrier or railing in the center. A lot of your decision will be based on how your particular babies behave in a co-sleeping environment.

I found that my own twins did well sleeping together in the same bassinet for the first couple of weeks. Then I put them each into their own bassinet, but kept them right next to each other. As they outgrew their bassinets, they went into their own full sized cribs, again right next to each other. They have always been great sleepers, and I have to wonder if it’s the comfort of having each other in such close proximity while at rest.

KEEP READING>>>>

(Original post by Twin Pregnancy & Beyond)

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I was in my office working yesterday when our 17-month-old hastily walked by while waving and proclaiming, "Mama! Hi!"

Then, just as quickly, she turned in the other direction, waved, and went forth with, "Mama! Bah-Bye! Wuv oo!" For 3.6 seconds I knew nothing but the feeling of a heart melting into a puddle of nirvana.

And then Jack yelled from the second floor, "Oh my! There's an intestation up here!"

I didn't know what an intestation was, but I knew it wasn't good.

When Grace's hamster Lennie passed on to his (or her, I can never remember) eternal nirvana a few months ago, we rid our home of his (or her) cage and chewy toys and running wheel that squeaked so loudly it caused slight stirring in anything hibernating within a fifty mile radius.

Apparently, however, we did not rid our home of Lennie's surplus bedding.

Apparently, teeny tiny unidentifiable bugs feel about this material the same way SpongeBob feels about Crabby Patties.

"It's not an inTEStation, Jack," chided Grace, "It's an inFEStation."

Sadly, the English lesson was unnecessary as I'd put two and two together a millisecond earlier.

I entered Grace's room to find little bugs jumping here, there and everywhere.

"They're bed bugs, Mother," said Grace, absolutely mortified.

"I don't think they are," corrected Jack, who was, at this point, curiously down on the ground with the bugs–of the bed variety (or not)– and a magnifying glass.

"Jack, you're not going to be able to see them in great detail," I advised. "They're jumping too quickly."

"I'm not trying to see them, Mom. I'm trying to direct sunlight onto them so they'll catch fire."

Super. So we've got an intestation and a bug-burning pyromaniac in the house.

"Okay, let's put the magnifying glass away and get the vacuum."

"You're going to VACUUM them?" asked Grace. "But, you'll KILL them!"

Grace is all for world peace and the continuation of every living species, and I admire that. I do. But I can't live in harmony with these little…jumpy things.

So we vacuumed (correction, I vacuumed), washed her sheets and blankets on hot, and rid her room of Lenny's last iota of bedding.

And as I tripped over the stair gate, my fall cushioned only by a velour blanket and a handful of bed-bug-infested hamster bedding, I caught sight of a little person running by wearing teeny tiny Converse Chucks and greeting, "Mama! Hi!"

And all was again right in my crazy world.

***

Be sure to hop over to LittleHumansBeing.com where, until October 26th, we're hosting a Child Style Magazine giveaway worth $500!

Photo by Egyedg

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When I think about what it is like expecting our fourth child, most of the time I focus on what fun it will be to add a fourth personality to our family.  My kids (like all kids) have absolutely hilarious observations about life, living and play.  We never know when someone is going to come up with something like describing homemade applesauce as “sweet nature” or serenade us with an air guitar concert.  Surely it is reasonable to expect one more child to bring more fun and laughter into our home, right?

Today was one of those days where it was a little harder to remember the fun and laughter that are possible in a large family.  I was already close to running late to pick up my eldest from the bus stop when my middle child wet her pants all over the living room floor.  As I ran for the towels, my youngest asked to get out of bed.  With a poopy diaper.

Don’t they understand what it means to have good timing?  Wet your pants, if you must, when we are just hanging out having a good time.  Not two minutes before it is time to walk out the door.  Bowel movements are good in the morning and at bedtime.  Not when there is already a puddle flowing across the floor.

By adding another child to the mix, aren’t we just asking for one more badly timed accident to deal with when pressure is already building?

These are the moments when panic builds.  Thankfully, after they are all (clean and) put into bed and sound asleep, I can look back over the day and see that I actually managed to cope with even a seemingly impossible situation.  Maybe I can even stop to find the humor in it.

And I’m back to pleasant expectation of the newest challenge adventure that will be added to our family experience.

(photo by tobyotter)

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Impulse control is the ability to stop and think before acting. It’s one of the executive functions children need in order to control their thoughts and actions in family, social, and school settings.

It’s important for parents to remember that young children are not expected to consistently control their impulses or their thoughts and actions. They rely heavily on adults to help them control themselves. As kids mature, we expect them to internalize rules and to develop better and better self-control so that they are not at the mercy of their impulses. However, not all children develop at the same pace as their peers in this critical area.

If you have a child who exhibits any of the behaviors below, she or he could benefit from some behavioral interventions:

• Has trouble controlling verbal impulsiveness (talking excessively, interrupting)

• Has trouble controlling physical impulsiveness (grabbing, pushing, hitting)

• Runs off in stores or other settings

• Has problems doing homework

Here are a few interventions that may help.

When she talks too much or interrupts, try this:

• Teach rules she can apply in a variety of settings. For example, "When you walk into a room or join a group, first listen to see what they’re talking about. Then you can add a brief comment on the same topic."

• Offer a visual cue, such a holding up a hand traffic cop style, to indicate no talking. In a classroom, post and point to a picture of an ear, indicating "no interrupting."

• Use rewards to reinforce successful behavior. For example, if she has played quietly while you were on the phone, respond immediately by offering to play a game with her.

When he can’t stop from grabbing, pushing, or hitting, try this:

• Stop the action and do a retake: "Whoa, it’s not okay to hurt people. No hitting. I can see that you’re angry. You can say, ‘I’m mad,’ and stomp your foot. Let me hear you say that."

• Clearly lay out expectations. For example, "Jack and Susan, you will each have a turn with the new pool toy. Ten minutes each. I’ll use my watch to keep track of your turn."

• Create a diversion. To keep a child from grabbing toy pieces, for example, as you lay them out for a game, tell him to hold on to the edge of the table while you lay out the game, and then reward him when you’re done.

When she can’t control a negative or irritating behavior, try this:

• Provide a kinesthetic "fidget" toy. Find objects that have texture, are bendy, or have other interesting qualities. "Here’s a pipe cleaner to keep your hands busy while we’re in line. You may not poke your brother."

• Plan in advance. If her restaurant behavior involves kicking under the table, seat her at the end, away from others, and tell her why you are doing so.

• Teach alternatives to the negative behavior. For example, if your child has a habit of running ahead of you in the supermarket, give her a job. Ask her to be your helper and mark off each grocery item on the list as you fill the cart.

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