My in-laws are coming to town for the weekend.  My mother-in-law sent an email encouraging us to plan a day out while they stayed with the children.  This is a very rare opportunity for the parents of a toddler and an infant.  My husband and I excitedly talked about what we could possibly do with this free time.

Husband: “We could go to dinner and then see a movie!”

Me: “We could have lunch and then hit the art museum!”

Husband: “We could get a hotel room.”

Me: “Oh yeah…we could take a nap!”

That wasn’t quite what he meant.

What do you do when you and your spouse don’t see things from the same perspective?  How do you prioritize your free time together?

Michelle wittily writes about life with young children and much more at Michelle Smiles!

It’s like the book says “Men Are From Mars, and Women Are From Venus“.

Or was it the other 100 and some books out there? All of which describe the profound differences between men and women, most of which us busy Moms don’t have time to read, and won’t read in front of our children anyway.

Hmmm, let me think about that - men and women are different? Really? You think?

Of course they are! And, if they weren’t life would be boring.

Men and women actually compliment each other, in most cases. And while it might seem challenging to understand each other at times, it can be a great game of give and take in perfect harmonious balance if we allow it to be.

However, most couples, especially of small children have a similar complaint:

The men - I wish we could have more sex.

The women - I wish my husband was more romantic and understanding.

I can relate completely to this scenario, maybe you can too. That’s not to say that every marriage, or partnership feels this way.

But let’s face it, after changing poopy diapers, cleaning up spit-up or pee that missed the potty, scrubbing dishes, endless laundry, listening to screaming kids all day, us Moms need a little romance at the end of the day!

I call it, getting out of “Mommy Mode“.

Try explaining this to a husband who works hard, and all he wants to do is something about something else that’s hard at the end of his day. He waited patiently all day, through supper, the kids bed time, and now he has you all to himself at last.

Well in my opinion, it comes down to - you GET what you GIVE.

The key is to GIVE to your spouse what THEY want and need. If the man gives his wife what she wants, naturally he will get what he wants in return. Et voila, you have a happy couple.

But is it really that simple?

What if the man doesn’t want to have to always make the first move? Raising children along with all your other responsibilites, can feel like weathering a storm in your love life. It is important to talk to your partner about what you need, and what affects your desire to want to be intimate.

And, honestly it isn’t fair for the man to always be last in line. But, if he does want to be first, then it’s not out of the question to ask him to help you to make him first on your list.

You can do this by asking him to pick up some slack around the house, or with the kids, or maybe even arranging a babysitter. Whatever works for your life, and as a couple.

My final words, ladies - remember that motherhood doesn’t mean the end of your womanhood, or your livelihood, so don’t forget to show your love, and be loved.

Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo
Sex Diaries of a Mom

Does this stir any hearts in our Extraordinary Wives? Be sure to head over to The League to discuss more!

Not a member of The League of Extraordinary Wives? E-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com

Is your marriage teenager proof?

When your child was a toddler there was MOPS or various play groups that provided a place to connect and find support among fellow mothers. Years down the road many parents are blindsided by the reality of how their world can be turned upside down with teenagers just as much as having a toddler.

Where do parents of teenagers turn to for support?

If parents of teens are not careful it is very easy to wake up the next morning and discover your marriage is on the rocks.

• There is less time for sexual intimacy
• There is tension that comes with enforcing family rules
• Before they can drive you are spending much of your time taking your teen place to place
• When they do drive you are worrying about when they will return.

Add the count down to the financial strain of college and thoughts of affording your own retirement in the not to distant future. Before you know it you have a marriage destined for counseling.

There are several ways to be proactive in protecting your marriage:

1. Have God the center of your marriage. Think of your marriage as a triangle, you and your husband are equal and God is the apex. He is the glue that will bind you together during the hardest of times.
2. Parent together. Don’t hide things from your spouse and face your teen as a united front. Disagreements about punishment or how things will be handled should be done behind closed doors.
3. Pick and chose your battles with both your spouse and your teen. What difference does something make in the long run?
4. Make time for each other. THIS IS A MUST!! No matter what craziness is going on around you, make a date for just you and your spouse almost every week.
5. Keep the lines of communication open! Keep the lines of communication OPEN! (yes, I repeated myself because this is an absolute must).

Most importantly, keep your sense of humor alive. Having teenagers is fun, it is exciting to watch them become their own person and make their own decisions. This can also be a time that is scary for parents as we are in the process of learning to let go. I wish I could say I am on the flip side of things and I have raised healthy teens and my marriage survived the force of teenagers, but I am in the beginning phase of it. I am excited to be writing here at Wedded Bliss and share with you my journey of the good, bad and ugly of raising teens and their effect on the marriage relationship.

Extraordinary Wives, if you are raising teenagers or have raised teenagers what is one thing that has worked for you?

Not a member of The League of Extraordinary Wives? E-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com for an invitation.

Laurel is the author of the blog Laurel’s Reflections. Laurel and her husband of 15 years are currently raising two teenage sons and one elementary son.

Recently I’ve read, with great distress, accounts of women who treat their husbands like babysitters rather than the fathers of their children. For example – leaving a detailed list of the children’s schedules, activities, even allergies – when she must be out of town. Or reminding him to be sure and keep an eye on the toddler while she leaves the house for awhile.

Ladies, a sure fire way to emasculate your husband is to treat him like an incompetent parent!

Think about this:

• Can he feed & dress himself?
• Can he find his way from Point A to Point B safely & in a timely fashion?
• Does he know how to use basic household items like the phone, microwave, dishwasher or alarm clock?

If you answered yes to those questions (and I feel certain that most of you did), that means he’s a capable of being a competent parent!

If you still have reservations about his abilities be sure to:

• Involve him in your child’s daily care, i.e. bathtime, carpool, homework duty
• Communicate daily with him about schedules and routines
• Encourage and support him

Above all, let him do things his own way. He won’t parent or care for the children the same way you do and that’s OK!

Malia co-authors the blog live. laugh. love. with her husband, DB.

Has your husband become passive over the years? It is all too common for men to essentially throw their hands up and let wives make every decision in the family. Now stop laughing, Ladies, it’s not all wonderful to make all the choices. Sometimes we want our men to have an opinion and make a decision, right?

Men commonly become passive in marriage when their ideas or attempts at leadership are repeatedly struck down or belittled by their wives. You may be thinking, “Who me?” Yes, you. It happens, we all do it, and I am not here to judge. I only want to discuss this common marital behavioral pattern. Remember when we discussed how pop-culture demeans the image of family men?

Men thrive on the feeling of success. They need it like air, water, sports and pizza. When we frequently say no to his suggestions he will stop making them. If he feels his attempts are not successful he will stop trying. It is really just that simple.

Try to say yes more often. Even to the crazy silly ideas. You know, the ones that make you want to laugh at him. But please do not laugh at him! If it isn’t really a big deal, just say yes. I try to keep the yes/no ratio around 10:1. Obviously, this will depend on your husband. If he is a big dreamer who plans on painting the house in a camo pattern or moving the family to New Zealand to be sheep herders, then your yes/no ratio will be much lower!

It is important to keep in mind that the more often you say yes to him, that when you do say no he will be way more likely to yield to your wishes. So save putting your foot down for the big issues: skydiving with the toddlers, joining a motorcycle gang, matching tattoos with your teen, moving to the Artic Circle. Let him feel successful and let him make some decisions. You just may discover you enjoy giving some of the family stress and decision making to him.

Let’s continue at the League!