Please don’t forget to nominate your man for the Art of Manliness Man of the Year Contest!

This contest is hosted by The Art of Manliness and sponsored by Old Spice. Winner gets $2,000 & an assortment of Old Spice products!

Go here for the online nomination form!

By Brett McKay

Ladies, have you ever wanted to let the whole world know how amazing your husband is? Well, now you can. The Art of Manliness has teamed up with Old Spice to find The Art of Manliness Man of the Year. Most magazines and websites seem to pick celebrities and sports stars as the man of the year, and fail to recognize the regular Joe who’s doing his best to be the best husband, father, and man he can be. The Art of Manliness wants to change that.

Our goal is to find a man who represents what’s best in men and give him $2,000 in cold hard cash. From October 20, 2008 until November 9, 2008, Art of Manliness will be accepting nominations for Man of the Year. This is your chance to brag about your man and give him the chance to win $2,000 (which of course he’ll share with you). To nominate, go to this online form and fill it out. You’ll need to write a short essay about why you think your man should be The Art of Manliness Man of the Year. Tell us about how your husband is great with kids, how he can cook a killer dinner, and how he helps out those in need. Your husband doesn’t have to be some Superman who’s cured AIDS to be considered for Man of the Year. If you think your husband possess the traits of honorable manliness, we want to hear about him.

We’ll then select 10 finalists out of all the nominees. On November 24, 2008 we’ll open voting to the public on the 10 finalists. Whoever has the most votes by December 13, 2008 will be crowned The Art of Manliness Man of the Year 2008 and win the $2,000.

If you want your husband to even have a chance at being named Man of the Year, you have to nominate him. And remember, there’s $2,000 up for grabs! Don’t just stand by your man, brag about him.

Send in your nomination today!

Well Extraordinary Wives, you heard the man! Don’t just sit there, go now and nominate that Extraordinary Husband of yours!

The Art of Manliness is authored by husband and wife team, Brett and Kate McKay. It features articles on helping men be better husbands, better fathers, and better men. The Blissfully Wed team thanks Brett McKay for giving us the opportunity to help spread the word about this contest!

Photo by Simon Pais-Thomas

A lot of women are completely blind to the connection between the way they act and the way their husband acts. They just can’t figure out why he’s changed into this less than ideal husband that they don’t really know or understand. Not all men turn into jerks, that’s for sure, but all of them withdraw emotionally in some way or another when their women unwittingly stomp all over them.

You have a lot more control than you think. While you can’t force your husband to do anything and trying to is unhealthy for your relationship, you can control the way you act. And the way you act affects the way he feels and the way he feels affects the way he acts and that affects the way you feel. Do you see the cycle?

This week we’ll talk about number 10. (I’m going in reverse order because that’s what David Letterman does, and it works for him.)

10.) Act as though you assume that he is stupid and doesn’t know what he is doing.

Most wives don’t think that they are acting in a way that assumes their husbands are stupid and don’t know what they are doing. But many husbands feel that way about their wives. And when a husband feels as though his wife considers him incompetent and stupid he withdraws. He will stop engaging in conversation. He may spend more quality time with his hobbies. He may be gone more often, for longer periods of time. No one wants to be where they feel they aren’t wanted or needed. And you end up angry and frustrated with his absence, not knowing how you have contributed to his withdrawal.

Remember, as Heather discussed last week, your husband needs to feel that you respect him. What seems to you an innocent comment can seem to him an attack upon his intelligence and competence.

This is easiest to illustrate with a couple of common examples.

Example 1.

The two of you are driving somewhere together and suddenly he turns the wrong way. You expected him to go right and he goes left. You may not start yelling, “Where are you going? Are you lost? Stop the car! You’re going the wrong way!” Which, by the way, if you are in the habit of doing that you should really stop it. He wishes you would. I promise you that.

Photo by Paulo Brabo

But do you allow yourself to say something like, “Isn’t it that way?” or “The directions say we’re supposed to take a left why are you going right?”

To a man who is just pulling over to get gas, this can very easily come off sounding as though you don’t think that he can get from point A to point B on his own and that you don’t trust him to do it right. For him, the fact that you have to question him at all means that you don’t trust him.

It depends on the man of course. And it depends on you too. Some men are more sensitive to this than others, and some women are more undermining with their comments than others as well.

Example 2

Photo by mnd.cntrl

He has lost his keys. He is upset. He is looking for them.

Following him around and talking to him like he is a 6 year old probably won’t help.
“Where did you last see them? Did you check there? How about in your pockets?”

Even if you are trying to be helpful, stop for a minute and think about how insane those kinds of questions would make you if the situation were reversed. Of course he’s checked his pockets. How old do you think he is?

So what can you do?

When he does something unexpected, try saying nothing and waiting a few minutes. That’s probably all the time it will take for you to figure out what he is up to. And you didn’t have to irritate him or undermine him in the process.

Yes, there are those moments when he is going the wrong way, or did forget the exit. But in the big picture of your marriage vs. sticking to a tight schedule, would you rather risk the schedule or making him feel like you think he’s stupid?

If you want to offer helpful questions, stop and think about how you would feel about the same questions if you were he and you cared about whether or not your wife believed you were competent.

Remember when you talk about things to let your words reflect your awareness that he knows what he is talking about. You may feel silly trying it, as if it should be obvious. You may discover that it’s not obvious to him.

Photo by Rogiro

Above all, take the time to remind yourself of all the ways that your husband is competent and trustworthy and keep them in mind when you talk. And by all means, discuss it with him and ask him if there is anything you say or do that makes him feel as though you don’t believe in him. Your words matter to him more than you may think, but not always the words that you are paying attention to.

Carrien-She Laughs at the Days

Is it hard to trust your husband sometimes? Do you think he knows what he’s doing most of the time? Does he know that you believe in him? Tell us more at The League of Extraordinary Wives.

Not a member of The League of Extraordinary Wives? E-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com for an invitation.

It’s like the book says “Men Are From Mars, and Women Are From Venus“.

Or was it the other 100 and some books out there? All of which describe the profound differences between men and women, most of which us busy Moms don’t have time to read, and won’t read in front of our children anyway.

Hmmm, let me think about that - men and women are different? Really? You think?

Of course they are! And, if they weren’t life would be boring.

Men and women actually compliment each other, in most cases. And while it might seem challenging to understand each other at times, it can be a great game of give and take in perfect harmonious balance if we allow it to be.

However, most couples, especially of small children have a similar complaint:

The men - I wish we could have more sex.

The women - I wish my husband was more romantic and understanding.

I can relate completely to this scenario, maybe you can too. That’s not to say that every marriage, or partnership feels this way.

But let’s face it, after changing poopy diapers, cleaning up spit-up or pee that missed the potty, scrubbing dishes, endless laundry, listening to screaming kids all day, us Moms need a little romance at the end of the day!

I call it, getting out of “Mommy Mode“.

Try explaining this to a husband who works hard, and all he wants to do is something about something else that’s hard at the end of his day. He waited patiently all day, through supper, the kids bed time, and now he has you all to himself at last.

Well in my opinion, it comes down to - you GET what you GIVE.

The key is to GIVE to your spouse what THEY want and need. If the man gives his wife what she wants, naturally he will get what he wants in return. Et voila, you have a happy couple.

But is it really that simple?

What if the man doesn’t want to have to always make the first move? Raising children along with all your other responsibilites, can feel like weathering a storm in your love life. It is important to talk to your partner about what you need, and what affects your desire to want to be intimate.

And, honestly it isn’t fair for the man to always be last in line. But, if he does want to be first, then it’s not out of the question to ask him to help you to make him first on your list.

You can do this by asking him to pick up some slack around the house, or with the kids, or maybe even arranging a babysitter. Whatever works for your life, and as a couple.

My final words, ladies - remember that motherhood doesn’t mean the end of your womanhood, or your livelihood, so don’t forget to show your love, and be loved.

Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo
Sex Diaries of a Mom

Does this stir any hearts in our Extraordinary Wives? Be sure to head over to The League to discuss more!

Not a member of The League of Extraordinary Wives? E-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com

photo by andronicusmax

Ladies, have you ever run into this kind of moment in your marriage?

You are busy, probably doing several things at once, while your husband is sitting and either reading a book, watching TV, or doing something on his computer. (Well, okay, that probably happens all the time but what I’m referring to is this next part.) You say to him from across the room something like, “Do you think we should buy the blue drapes or just wait until after we see your parents on Sunday to decide?”

And then, you wait. And you wait some more. And he doesn’t appear to respond at all, or to have noticed your question. Depending on your temperament, or how much of a full stop you have to come to in your work to await his answer, this can be enough time to get seriously frustrated. In the time it takes to wait for him to answer, in your mind you have already thought a series of 10 thoughts or so that go from impatience all the way to indignation at being ignored in such a fashion.

And then he looks up and answers your question at last, or maybe even says, “What?” Has that ever started a fight at your house?

Anybody? Anyone at all? I see that hand.

Okay, here’s a little secret, from me to you. Your husband, poor man, is a bit brain damaged. Mine is too.

photo by aigarius

When little boys are in utero, that Y chromosome causes a flood of testosterone at 6 weeks in their brain and they are forever changed. What this means is that their brains don’t work the same way that a woman’s does.

Some studies of MRI scans have shown that men have fewer neural pathways between the two hemispheres of their brain than women do. (Miller and Golden, 1998) Women tend to use both hemispheres of their brain more equally when it comes to speech than men do. This might be why we can talk while we are doing something else as well. It also means that we talk as part of our thought processes.

For your husband to interrupt what he is doing/thinking about long enough to look up and ask, “What?” he has to fire many more synapses and go through a longer relay chain in his brain before he can translate it into speech.

So in those long moments between question and answer, those moments when you are prone to going nuts, just count to 10, or 20 and bite your tongue. This is the sound of his brain trying to catch up to you!

OK Extraordinary Wives, time to sound off at The League! Can you relate? Can you offer some advice? Let us know!

If you’d like to join The League, please e-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com for an invitation.

Carrien writes about a lot of other stuff too at She Laughs at the Days.