#5 – Criticize all of his ideas.

Photo Credit: Capture Queen

• Do you veto an idea before your husband has even managed to express it fully?
• Do you know why it won’t work, and tell him its impractical and silly the instant he tells you about it?
• Do you ever support him when he wants to try something new or different?

What you may not know is that you are supposed to be his safe place to share, and to dream. From you he wants support, not criticism. You aren’t meant to be the place where he can only express an idea after he has thought about it for a while, has a detailed plan and is ready to present the idea with a power point slide show and a list of pros and cons. You are his wife. You are the safe place to let ideas and plans fly, to say what’s on his mind. He wants you to believe in him, especially because some times it’s hard for him to believe in himself.

Even if it’s just him thinking about taking the kids to the beach in the afternoon and you thinking he has no regard for naptime or how hard it is for you to deal with the kids when he interrupts the schedule, try to think of it from his perspective. He is expressing a desire to spend time with his children. Hear that, instead of the potential inconvenience, and it opens up a whole new range of possible responses other than, “You can’t take them out in the middle of naptime, are you crazy?”

We as wives say that we want our husbands to talk to us. We want them to share how they are feeling, what they are thinking. But then we often take the things that they share and stomp all over them, because we don’t recognize them as a way that he is trying to connect and let down his guard.

Photo Credit: idea-listic

Part of this can be because when a husband throws ideas around it’s frightening. When a man starts talking about quitting his steady, lucrative 9-5 to go homestead in the middle of a forest we get nervous. We want him to think along less risky pathways. A man who dreams can be threatening to us, especially if we are happy with the way things are at the moment.

But treating his ideas dismissively often has the effect of silencing him completely. Why would he want to open up to you if all you do is criticize?

Photo Credit:striatic

The next time your husband is thinking out loud, try to listen instead of react.

There are a lot of things to be learned about him if you just pay attention. Ask questions, not to prove that it’s a stupid idea, but to find out more about why he is interested. What about the prior example of homesteading appeals to him? Is he unhappy at work? Does he just think it’s a really cool idea?

Explore ideas together. Be honest about how you feel about things, but be willing to at least talk about it. You may find you like where it leads. At the least you will be keeping the lines of communication between the two of you open. And he will feel loved because you listened.

Carrien is moving to Thailand soon thanks to her husband. You can read more about their adventures at She Laughs at the Days

Read the other posts in this series: #6, #7, #8, #9, #10.

Amazing things can happen when we give our husbands room to explore their ideas! Do any of our Extraordinary Wives have stories like Carrien’s? Let’s share them at The League!

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