My father in law is very fond of telling us that we are the only ones who can control our attitudes. If we want to be unhappy, we’ll be unhappy. If we want to have hurt feeling over something someone said, then we will have hurt feelings. It’s interesting that it seems so much harder to put on a good attitude and easier to harbor a bad one.

The Happiness Project is an ongoing blog that explores one woman’s quest to find happiness. In the post, Be Happier: Kiss More, Hug More, Touch More author Gretchen Rubin says:

We think we act because of the way we feel, but often, we feel because of the way we act. By acting in a loving way, you prompt loving feelings in yourself. It’s much harder to be angry or annoyed with someone when you’re kissing or hugging or touching.

This reminds me of a piece of marital advice I once read, something along the lines of “when you’re in an argument with your spouse, go to your bedroom, take off all your clothes and try to continue the argument while standing in front of each other naked”.

I think it all comes back to vulnerability. When we’re jockeying for a dominant position either in an argument or even simple social interaction it’s very off putting to the other person. However, showing deference and kindness and openness through touching brings positive feelings to all involved.

And it’s important in all of our relationships:

Expressing affection (in whatever way you express it) makes a big difference in relationships. For instance, people are 47% more likely to feel close to family members who frequently express affection than to those who rarely do so.

That seems like a no-brainer but it’s often easy to forget this especially as children get older and they themselves become less affectionate towards parents. I recently noticed that the amount of affection between my daughter and I had significantly waned. I seem to hug and kiss on my still young, preschool age son all the time. I’ve been making an extra effort to make sure that she receives more affection from me on a daily basis.

But our focus here is marriage. Try lingering in a hug or kiss (or both!) today with your husband. No quick pecks or one-armed squeezes around the shoulder. Put both arms around him, hold on tight for several seconds and then follow up with a long, lovely kiss.

Repeat daily!

H/T: Worthington Wire
photo credits: vivekchugh,catdesign