One of the secrets to a good marriage, I think, is the ability to let slide the things that don’t really matter.

So one of you ALWAYS loads the dishwasher, and the other NEVER offers to help. It’s not really grounds for divorce. But it can lead that way depending on the attitude you nurture day in and day out as you load the dishwasher all by your self, AGAIN!

Suppose you allow yourself to start thinking that this is a sign that he doesn’t respect what you do. In fact, he doesn’t respect you. In fact, the other day he said something that make you pretty sure that he doesn’t even really love you anymore. If he did love you he would notice that you ALWAYS LOAD THE DISHWASHER, and he would help out once in a while. Right? The fact that he never offers to help like he used to is a sign that your marriage is going down the tubes and maybe you made a mistake along the way.

Multiply loading the dishwasher by picking up socks, cooking dinner, and every other thankless task that you do everyday and you can have a serious problem in how you view your marriage.

resentment gets ugly fast

Then you start behaving as though all this is true and you start to make it true by how you interact with your husband. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

STOP!

What does he do every day that you no longer notice and say thank-you for?

Anything?

Consider the possibility that he doesn’t help because he considers you are competent enough to handle things on your own. Consider that maybe he even feels fortunate to have a wife as competent as you and brags about it to the guys at work. Perhaps he does notice in a general sort of way that things are taken care of at home and he appreciates it.

Resentment leads to bitterness and ugliness inside of you. That eventually spews out upon the people you care about, especially those closest to you. Try giving him the benefit of the doubt. Instead of nurturing resentment every time you do something that serves your spouse and your family, cultivate a sense of gratitude and cheerful service instead. Be thankful that you have them to do this for.

You choose your attitude. By that choice you choose the atmosphere in your home and marriage. What will it be?

What is your marriage attitude? Are you forgiving or resentful? Do you let “little things” slide off your back or is everything a “big deal”? We can encourage each other to have better attitudes and share our experiences with this at The League!

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photos by wheat in your hair, Rosemobile, hryck, and wheat in your hair