When I was younger, as my friends and I paired off, we worried about liking one another’s partner. It made it more difficult to stay friends and be close if I disliked my best friend’s boyfriend. As we all get older and start families, I have realized that generally it doesn’t matter how much I like my friend’s spouse. What is more important these days is if I like them as a couple.

One of my close friends has a less solid marriage. I have been friends with her for years and have a good deal in common with her husband. She and her husband bicker with each other. She demeans him under the guise of teasing. He tunes her out and doesn’t hear her requests. Despite liking each of them individually, we work hard to not spend time with them as a couple. We intensely dislike witnessing their disharmony.

My sister-in-law and her husband were in town last weekend. I have very little in common with her husband politically, spiritually, or in shared interests. But I enjoy them so much as a couple. They treat each other well, kind to one another, affectionate, and considerate even when teasing. They listen to each other and consider the others feelings when speaking and acting. I like being with couples who treat each other well. Finding that common ground, a shared experience through happy marriages, brings us together with couples in a way that individual friendships can’t these days.

Do you find yourself spending more time with couples who have marriages similar to your own?

photo credit: andreyutzu