Today’s post comes from Beck of Frog and Toad Are Still Friends. This post, Everything I Know About Being Married, was originally published on her blog last month. We are honored to republish here for you today.

Yesterday was oddly hard, one of those days where you feel sad and can’t put your finger on the why of it. I think I might be getting depressed, I fretted to my husband in the evening while he worked on his annual fall project, wringing my hands. He paused, and said very, very gently that he was sorry that I was feeling sad, but that he thought I would probably feel better in a couple of days (1), and in the meantime, would I like a glass of wine?

And I did feel comforted. He is wise and a rather striking contrast to me and my family of origin, where we’re always fretting and miserable and elated and in some sort of trouble. Don’t worry about things that you can’t do anything about would be his motto (2), and one of these days I should have it translated into Latin to fly proudly above our castle.

I had my husband up on a tremendous pedestal for ages. For years. He could not only do no wrong in my eyes but he also was the authority on everything. I quoted him constantly. I mean, I think he’s a great guy now and a good dad and a rather pleasant husband and a hard worker and all sorts of good things, but just imagine if instead of having this standard-issue mommy blog, it was instead entitled MY HUSBAND: WHY YOU SHOULD REVERE HIM LIKE A GOD. It was a bit unhealthy. And a bit… oh, irritating for not only everyone who knows me but also for my husband, who doesn’t want to be revered like a god.

And then he fell.

I could almost tell you the exact day that it happened – I know it was in the first couple of weeks after I had the Boy and I was moody and hormonal and my husband snapped at me. And just like that, KERBANG. That was all it took. Maybe the pillar was already kind of shaky. Maybe it was time.

I could not love someone who was a fallible human being, I decided. D-I-V-O-R-C-E, I decided.

And while I was deciding all this, he continued being the same kind, considerate person he’s always been, tucking The Girl in and rocking The Boy for hours after work each night and working so hard to keep everyone fed and clothed and housed and I thought, well, maybe I’ll stay for a little bit longer. It would only be fair.

That was the bad year for our marriage, but when it was through, I’d figured a lot of things out that I’d been clueless about before:

1. I had not been pulling my weight in any way in our marriage up until then. See, because my husband was perfect, he didn’t need any support or encouragement or help. Because he was an emotionless blank for me to project my emotions onto, I could dump on him endlessly. That was handy.
2. Even though my husband is a remarkably fine man, I perhaps do not need to quote him every five minutes.
3. Marriage is not about one partner being idolized by the other.
4. I was not very good at that whole marriage thing.
5. Being married even to an imperfect human being still seemed better than the alternatives, which would involve me tucking my own kids in at night and not having anyone around to gently remind me when I was having PMS (3) and not a full-fledged depressive illness.
6. My husband can make robots. Where else could I find another man who can makes robots AND who would put up with my crap, which I realized after that year was fairly considerable?
7. It’s very, very mean to your spouse to constantly threaten them with divorce. Either divorce ‘em or get over it and stop being abusive.
8. It is a remarkable thing in this world to have another human being who loves you and who you love back and who shares your values and laughs at your jokes and comforts you when you are sad. Do not take this lightly. And if that person loads the dishwasher and tucks the kids in and brings you home bottles of wine on hard days, you would be a stone cold MORON to think about walking out.

And that is everything I know about being married.

(1) Guess why.
(2) That’s his motto, not mine. I haven’t figured out what mine will be yet.
(3) There’s a big hint for (1) right there.

Remember, you can read more from Beck at Frog and Toad Are Still Friends!

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