The holiday season is a wonderful time of the year – a time for happiness and family togetherness – but deciding where to spend it may prove to be a source of tension for many couples. This holiday season, if you are facing the dilemma of where to go and who to celebrate with, approach the decision with the following tips in mind:

Set Aside Time to Talk

Deciding where to spend the holidays should be a mutual decision made by you and your partner. Before involving other family members, set aside time to talk. Since the holidays require a great deal of preparation, you’ll want to give yourselves adequate time to come to a decision, and you’ll want to inform both families of your plans as far in advance as possible.

Determine Your Options

When determining your options, discuss every factor possible, because each one can help you find common ground and may help influence your final decision. A few examples include:

- Are you willing and able to visit family this holiday season? Maybe extenuating circumstances prevent you from traveling, or maybe both of you feel strongly about spending the holidays in your own home this year.

- What are your family traditions, and which holiday means the most to you? Maybe Christmas holds a special place in your heart, while your partner’s family always cooks up an elaborate Thanksgiving reunion.

- Consider your family members. Will anyone be alone if you don’t spend the holidays with him/her? Is there a member of your family in poor health or an otherwise difficult situation? Whose house is the easiest/hardest to travel to?

Compromise

After discussing your options, you may find that no obvious choice presents itself. If you both feel passionate about spending the holidays with your respective family, you must begin to work toward a compromise.

If you are in close proximity to both families, discuss ways to divvy up your time between them. For example, if you both want to spend Thanksgiving with your respective family, plan a brunch with her family and a dinner with his family. Maybe you can spend Christmas Eve with her family and Christmas Day with his family. Hosting a holiday celebration in your own home and inviting family members to attend is also an option.

If you live far away from your families, as my husband and I do, discuss how to divide your time in a fair way. Much to our dislike, it’s impossible for us to spend every holiday with both my family and his family. What works for us is alternating visits and scheduling early/belated celebrations. Last year, in our first year of marriage, we agreed on Thanksgiving with my family, Christmas with his family, and a belated Christmas with my family. This year, we’re doing the opposite: Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with my family, and a post-Christmas visit with his family. Alternating years, as well as celebrating a holiday before or after its actual calendar day, gives you the opportunity to celebrate with and experience the traditions of both families.