There are hundreds of books about marriage that address the common problem of getting our husbands to help out around the the house. Just go ahead and throw them away. It won’t work.  The premise of most books is so silly, it’s based on the idea that your husband just doesn’t know/understand how much you want help. These books recommend sharing your feelings in a non-threatening, non-accusatory way. This is all well and good, but all your husband will hear is a sound like Charlie Brown hears when his teachers speak -wonk, wonk,wonk, wonk.

Women talk and share their feelings. We bond with each other this way, we feel loved and understood through verbal sharing. Men? Not so much. Many times the language of men is based more on actions than words.

Every time he helps out, you have a choice to make. You can respond in three different ways.

1. You can be snippy, “It’s about time you helped out. I can’t do it all on my own.” If you react this way he will see no reason to help in the future. Even after he is done helping, he still doesn’t succeed in making you happy. He will see no point and work hard (passively, of course) to do very little in the future. A sarcastic or ungrateful reply will guarantee he won’t help in the future.
2. You can give no response at all, not even a smile. This response will not encourage further passivity, but it won’t help him to want to do things in the future.
3. You can throw a little appreciation his way. You don’t need to dance a jig and do cartwheels. Simply say, “Thank You!” Give him a little smile. You’ll get back positive results ten-fold. Being gracious to him is more of a gift you give yourself than to him. Trust me on that one, Ladies!

It won’t happen overnight. Rome wasn’t built in a day. The more he does for you and gets positive reinforcement (a smile, a thanks, a twinkle in your eye) the more he will do even more things to make you happy.

Honestly ladies, it is not rocket science. The secrets really are this simple! Your husband will thrive when he feels appreciated and successful at making you happy.  We know what makes our husbands happy, remember?

I love handy little graphics. I designed this one to illustrate my point. Cute, huh?

Extraordinary Wives- Let’s share our tips for getting our husbands to help out around the house at the League!

For an invitation to The League of Extraordinary Wives, please e-mail us at wedblissfully@gmail.com

Photo credit: Terwilliger911

{originally published by Mrs. Fussypants on April 11, 2008}