By Laurel | Leave A Comment
Most of us married folks have been there. Sharing a nice conversation with another couple and the wife or husband criticizes the other spouse or makes a little dig towards the other. You don’t really know how to react, you feel embarrassed, so most of the time you just offer up a little nervous laugh.
Critical Comments Hidden In Jokes
Or maybe you are the spouse who has criticized or was criticized in front of others. Little jokes or digs can make big holes in a marriage relationship. Parents of teenagers, I believe, find more opportunity for these types of encounters. As a parent you are balancing being older, but trying to appear hip or younger. This often comes out in our conversations.
Joking And Criticizing In Public Have Consequences
One of the joys of having a teenager is they understand joking and they offer up their own jokes. I have found myself laughing hysterically with some comment one of my sons made. But as parents we need to be an example of the fine line between joking and criticizing. We do this by not criticizing or making digs towards the other spouse in public. Many offer up the excuse, “I was only teasing you; you know I was not serious.” Joking, more often times leads to hurt feelings and leaves people around you feeling uncomfortable.
How To Voice That Criticism
There are times you need to criticize your spouse, or confront them on something. Forethought, along with a private place and time is what is needed. The best method to implement is the “Five to One” Rule.
- For every criticism you feel you need to tell your spouse about the relationship, think of five positive comments to mention before the negative ones.
- Uplift your spouse with your words when you are in public, and be sensitive when approaching them in private.
- If you have a spouse that hurts you with their comments, go to them in private and tell them how you feel.
I guarantee you, if you only speak positive towards your husband in public the chances he will do the same greatly increases.
Laurel is the author of the blog Laurel’s Reflections. Laurel and her husband of 15 years are currently raising two teenage sons and one elementary son.
Most of us married folks have been there. Sharing a nice conversation with another couple and the wife or husband criticizes the other spouse or makes a little dig towards the other. You don’t really know how to react, you feel embarrassed, so most of the time you just offer up a little nervous laugh.
Critical Comments Hidden In Jokes
ABOUT Laurel
Lori is the author of the blog Lori’s Reflections. Lori and her husband Tadd of 15 years are curre{read more}
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great post! it’s amazing how much our words as wives matter! now going to email ya to sign up for the league of extraordinary wives.
I’ve found that words have power. They can build up or put down so easily. I believe it’s so important to respect my husband and try to find things he does well and thank him. It may sound corny but it works. I hate to see couples criticize each other in public.
Oh, yes…For many years, I was with a man who belittled me, humiliated me, criticized me – and did it all with wonderful wit and humor. Everyone laughed, including me, because you could “see” he was making a very clever joke.
It ended up lowering my self-esteem so low I couldn’t even find myself – everything I was, everything I did, everything I said got questioned in my own mind and run past what I imagined was “his” mind before I could speak or do.
I became paralyzed, cold, shut down, and emotionally frozen.
And I know it wasn’t his fault.
Whatever it was in me that responded to that with love was what it took me so many years and years to unravel and undo.
Thank you for this insightful post. Rori Raye (http://blog.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com) (Would love to hear your thoughts on my posts around this…)