We’ve heard it before and we know it’s true, we tend to hurt the ones we love the most. Whether it’s because we feel so comfortable in our lover’s presence that we can let all our emotions hang out or if it’s because, as they say, there exists a fine line between love and hate; more often than not we find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of having to apologize for hurting someone we love.

What is doubly hard is when the one we love speaks up and tells the truth of how our actions have affected them. I was so encouraged to read a post from my friend and Blissfully Domestic reader, Lisa. Lisa wrote, with poignant honesty, a post about how she had been hurtful to her husband:

Mistreating Those We Love

I have a tendency to blow Dan’s faults up to horrific crimes when, in fact, they are minor little infractions in the grand scheme of things; definitely overlook-able. In my mind, I’ve made him out to be unloving, uncompassionate and inconsiderate. Like he is leaving clothes on the floor because he just doesn’t care about the fact that I take care of him and his household. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. He is truly a wonderful human being, a terrific husband, the best Dad. He loves all of us very much and does a great job taking care of us! We all have flaws, don’t we? Why would I let myself believe that his are any worse than mine?

Dan really took a risk the other night when, instead of reacting to my ranting and raving with more anger, he reacted out of love. He opened up his heart and shared how I’ve been hurting him. He knew I might react defensively and try to turn the argument back to all the many things (in my mind) he does to wrong me. Instead, the Lord opened my heart and mind to receive Dan’s words and hear the sadness and hurt in them. I have really treated him badly! I’ve been a jerk!

So I am going to learn from this and strive to do better. Dan deserves better!

This really encourages me! A lot of maturity and grace was present in this exchange. It’s hard to hear the truth and oftentimes equally as hard to speak the truth. But instead of blowing up at each other, they were loving and respectful and now, they can move forward with a closer, more understanding relationship.

I also really liked this from the comments on Lisa’s post:

There’s a creature in our flesh that says, “I should be judged on my intentions, but I should judge everyone else on their actions.” Others have excuses, I have my reasons why.

I need that in a large, bold font on my bathroom mirror! And when I turn that around on myself, I see that I am being judged by my actions by others as well. I bet stomping and sighing and huffing and muttering when I’m upset about clothes left on the floor, dishes left in the sink or garbage not taken out does not show my intentions of having a clean home but rather actions of anger and frustration. No wonder no one wants to jump up from what they’re doing and help me when I go on such rampages! (Insert proverbial light bulb over my head!)

A wise woman once told me that in all relationships, but especially in marriage, always assume good intentions. Or as the old proverb goes, “Do not attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance.” Socks on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink are not there simply to vex me, they are a sign that I share my life with another person, someone I love very much.

Read all of Lisa’s post here. Photo credit: Clip Art from Microsoft Online