By Kirsetin | Leave A Comment
Ohh, that’s a biggie, isn’t it? And I’m not even going to pretend to have all the answers. I do, however, have almost 18 years of insight into the matter, so I’ll share two of my favorite ideas for those in the earlier years:
Get it out on the table. Not your wallet, actually, but how you want to spend what’s inside of it. I remember feeling incredibly awkward about money during our engagement. I made “mine,” he made “his,” how would we handle “ours?” I wasn’t even exactly sure how much he made and it seemed unbelievably rude to ask. “YES! I’ll marry you! And just how much are you pulling in every other week?” It didn’t flow. Thankfully, we attended pre-marital counseling, and among the other topics we discussed, one was a budget. Then, I had to ask: It was homework! Having this assignment forced us to discuss our ideas about money: about saving, spending, giving and the rest. It set the groundwork for a lifetime of revisiting those very issues and was a positive and critical—I believe—step in how we approach our finances to this day.
Petty Cash. Although I am a firm believer in knowing where and how you spend your hard-earned dollars, I also don’t want to be accountable for every single $3.59 chai I buy at Starbucks. And my husband certainly doesn’t want me asking why he spent $7.42 on a sandwich for lunch. If you like to bicker, well then, have at it. Otherwise, I suggest a monthly (or weekly) stipend for each of you, petty cash as it were, that you are free to spend as you like. (Or, if you’re a crazy saver like me you might just stash some of it to roll over to the next month. Yes, I am crazy like that.) Early in our marriage, this number was low – I think maybe $10 a week at the most. But it still worked. I could grab a glass of wine after work or savor a lovely truffle with a girlfriend on our work break, without ever feeling like I was “breaking” the budget. Beautiful.
There are so many different philosophies and ideas about managing money. Couples who recognize their similarities and differences on these matters—and figure out how to work with them—may avoid serious anger management issues down the road.
My only other suggestion: Never discuss finances over a glass of wine. Enough said!
ABOUT Kirsetin
Kirsetin is an author and speaker who spends more time on the computer than in the kitchen. She blo{read more}
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Great post! I think it’s true what is said about money and marriage, it is what most fights are due to. It’s never the money itself rather the way in which we manage it that is the culprit.
I felt the same way as you while engaged and planning the wedding while we were living in two separate countries proved to be challenging.
I think the most important thing is to openly communicate about it but as you suggested, not nickel and dime each other for every purchase. That would be a way to kill a marriage fast, then each person feels as if they are not their own individual person. I like your idea of the monthly or weekly amount for each person. This way everyone can spend it as they like.
~Karla