By Kirsetin | Leave A Comment
I was helping in the lunch room at my son’s school this week, when my heart broke. I watched as the kids tumbled in, laughing and screeching and scrunching beside one another at the long brown tables. And I watched as one little boy peeled off, alone and quiet, and settled down all by himself. He could have been perfectly content, but it pained me to watch him, and to wonder if he felt hurt and alone in the midst of all these kids.
As I stood there watching, I realized that marriage has the potential for the same kind of emotion: although it’s rarely “just us,” we can still feel alone-even if we’re not hurt-in the midst of our marriage. How can this be?
Anyone who’s read The Five Love Languages knows that individuals communicate differently. Unfortunately, our wedding bands don’t come with an instruction book that details how to best relate to our spouse. It takes effort, time, and a healthy does of empathy and compassion to honestly and effectively communicate with anyone. Isn’t it worth this extra effort to communicate well with our spouse?
So many times, I think, it’s easier to focus on ourselves: on what we need, on what we want, on how we feel. But, as my pastor is found of saying, it really isn’t all about us. Often, the best path to meeting our own needs is the one that serves someone else-maybe even by learning his love language.
photo credits: Scott Ableman and Nguyễn Hồng Ngọc
ABOUT Kirsetin
Kirsetin is an author and speaker who spends more time on the computer than in the kitchen. She blo{read more}
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“it’s easier to focus on ourselves: on what we need, on what we want, on how we feel”
check. check. check.
guilty as charged. I’m in a marriage where he doesn’t ask for much. In fact he doesn’t ask for anything at all. Self-contained is how I describe it. I wish he would ask for more, more often. I’m pretty good at anticipating and thinking of his needs (a little too good at it, maybe). Me, I feel as though I am continually gearing up to “ask for what I want” even though I don’t garner up the nerve too often, I hate to come across as a nag or whiner. It’s hard to find that balance.