Miscarriage: Overcoming the Loss

It is estimated that a little more than 20 percent of all women experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. For many, it’s a harrowing experience riddled with pain, anger, denial and resentment. For me, it was more than pain;  it became a season of gratitude, comfort and learning that sometimes sharing the pain with others—friend and stranger alike—can help you heal.

I remember the day we found out. To say we were happy would be an understatement—we were elated! And just to be certain, I took more pregnancy tests which confirmed the good news. So, we told our friends, family and bought picture frames for the grandparents-to-be. It was a wonderful day. Until we saw the doctor.

By my calculations, we should’ve been able to hear a heartbeat, maybe even see the little sucker. But when the doctor started the sonogram, I knew the news wasn’t good. He presented us with 2 scenarios: either I was way off in my calculations or the fetus wasn’t developing. We hoped it was the first scenario—it wasn’t.

In the coming visits, we would learn I had a Blighted Ovum or empty sack. The doctor assured us that we would have a baby, just not this one. We were devastated. There was a 0 percent chance that my pregnancy would progress. I guess this is where some would feel embarrassed about having told people. But I wasn’t. I was happy that I could talk things out with them. Plus, receiving their love and support was healing and helpful. With the support of my husband, family and friends, I’m making it through this difficult time.

So why am I sharing? Because I want to be honest. So many of us opt to GO IT ALONE when in fact, we should do the opposite. Many think a miscarriage is a private affair; I don’t feel that way. Talking with others and reading about their experiences have been both healing and helpful. The posts on LI Families have been a tremendous help. If you don’t want to talk to someone try writing it down. Journaling does wonders to help you heal.

I may not know God’s plan for us but I know this: I will be a Mom someday. My husband will be the most wonderful father. I’m incredibly grateful for life. I love my husband, family, friends and my dog too; and THAT’S what I choose to focus on. How about you?

First Published by AfterTheAlter: Our Loss