Depending on how long you’ve been married, it can take a little more effort to spark the fires of romance.  Time, kids, work, and life can strip us of those initial feelings of desire.  We forget what it was like to want to touch, and to want to be touched, because small people are touching us all the time.  And that is most definitely not romantic.  We forget what it felt like to wait for the kiss, to anticipate it, to hunt for it, even, because we dole out kisses every hour of every day.  We kiss boo-boos and tears and we kiss our husbands goodbye but we don’t long for that slight, hesitant touch of warm lips.  Do marriage and parenthood mean the end of intense desire?  After a time, is all that’s left a slow-burning ember?

Of course not.  The desire is there, you just have to rediscover it.  Help it along.  To do just that, try one of these suggestions.

Change things up.  Like it or not, families—and kids in particular—thrive on routine.  But marriage?  Not so much.  The same-old, same-old is exactly that:  old.  And the same.  Bring in some new and add an interesting dimension to your marital landscape.  What can you change?  Almost anything:  Rearrange your bedroom, switch sides of the bed, change positions in bed (get a book if you need one), surprise your spouse once every week with anything—a love note, flowers, a back rub, or a good book (perhaps the aforementioned?).  New is good.  Get some and rekindle your romance.

Make an effort. Malia recently asked whether Retro was good for a marriage.  As in, primp, preen, and have a drink in hand for your man—no children in sight.  While I agree with her conclusion that most husbands probably prefer their wives in 2010 mode (yoga pants, anyone?), I do think we can mine the past for a few marriage-enhancing ideas.  You won’t find me shushing the children and applying lipstick before my husband gets home, but you won’t find me in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, either.  Ditto for him:  When your husband gets home from work, how attractive is it if he dons his ripped up t-shirt and college-age shorts?  Not so hot, am I right?  Marriage is a two-way street and taking the time to care about our appearance is a part of stirring the pot of desire.  What I do not mean by caring about our appearance:  fancy clothes, make-up, or meticulous up-dos.  What I do mean:  taking care of our bodies, getting dressed (most days), and feeling desirable.  Feeling desirable?  Sure.  Think about it.  Aren’t the most attractive guys the ones who take care of and feel good about themselves?  Well?  It’s a two-way street, ladies.

Go Low-Tech Another idea we can borrow from the past is to go low-tech every now and then.  Before 1950, most families did not have a TV in the house.  Horror of horrors, right?  What did couples do without The Office and 30-Rock?  In truth, some of them probably sat around listening to the radio having the same sort of arguments we have now.  But let’s take a positive spin and look at the couples who weren’t keyed into the newest radio show.  How else did they—and can we—spend our evenings?  If we unplug, it’s amazing how we can slow time down.  Suddenly there’s space, an opening of time just big enough for us to fit in a walk, a bike ride, a date at a coffeehouse, or even a picnic by the lake.  Spend time together and connect in a different way; you’ll see romantic results sooner than you think.

Photo Credits: Matthew Bowden, Clip Art from Microsoft Office Online, Gavin Spencer