By Malia Carden | Leave A Comment
One of the most quintessential pieces of marriage advice is, “Don’t go to bed angry.” But how does that really play out in a relationship? In my experience, not well. The usual scenario is something like this:
It’s late. We’re at an impasse. Feelings are hurt but can’t be easily articulated. Everything that’s said sounds either like an accusation or an excuse. It’s dark and nothing seems possible.
Do you know what works for us? Going to bed! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up in the morning after a tense argument not even really able to recall what the issue was all about. Or how many times, within minutes of waking, a resolution was reached. Everything seems more hopeful in the light of day and after getting some rest.
Now that’s just us. It may not work for you. But if you keep finding yourselves butting heads at 2 am with no end in sight, exhausted the next day because you could only manage to call a half-hearted truce just so you’re not going to bed “angry”, then next time maybe you should try sleeping on it and working it out the next day. It just may help.
What piece of marriage advice did you receive that you’ve found is not at all helpful in your relationship?
photo credit: Clip Art from Microsoft Office Online
ABOUT Malia Carden
New media enthusiast, inconsistent blogger, One2One Network Community Manager & Blog Editor, imp{read more}
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I find that pretty sound advice. It works for us too … MOST of the time. The only problem with it is me. Sometimes I hang on to that grudge through the morning and when Dan wakes up, happy as can be, seemingly back to normal, I get even angrier. I do know the real problem is that instead of returning to the “discussion” that morning and working it out then, I get mad that Dan seems to have slept it off just fine and I haven’t, so I just stew.
I so agree Malia!
When I first got married I had this notion in my head that nothing could be left unresolved – even for a moment. I thought that if it was left unresolved, it would just fester and turn into something bigger.
I eventually learned that a little distance does wonders to create some perspective, cool your head and warm your heart.
We do go to bed angry sometimes and I’m with you – there is often no better way to get on the path to resolution. My mom always said to “pick your battles” and I think that has held up well. I think one thing that doesn’t get doled out as advice but is necessary, is that you have to learn to get over it. Some things / issues / hurts –you will simply have to let it go. A resolution that satisfies you will not take place. You have to forgive and move on.
Lisa – there are times when David will fall soundly asleep within minutes of us tabling the argument and going to bed. I sometimes get so mad that he can just turn his brain off and sleep while I stew about it for another hour! But we still always have an easier time resolving the conflict the next day.
Shannon – yes, a little distance can do wonders! One of us sometimes even needs to go for drive, get out of the house so that tempers can cool and good sense can prevail!
Amy – so true! Being in a marriage relationship means giving up a little selfishness and knowing that you can’t get your way all the time.