Gwen and I spent every New Years Eve together eating take out and playing board games with our spouses in our pajamas.  She was the one I went to all my fancy eateries with and talked high fashion to. Gwen and I have known each other since grade 8 (23 years).  On a junior high school trip we decided we were going to be best friends for life.  I remember sending her a letter congratulating us on our friendship anniversary.  I know lame – but that’s what you do when you listen to WHAM all day!  Anyway, we were like two peas in a pod.  Our friendship survived university (apart), weddings, marriages and my first child.

When Friendships Fade

Then she was gone.  No harsh words were exchanged.  No uncomfortable moments were sliced between us.  The friendship just dissolved like ice into lukewarm water.  I wanted to know what I did to create this divide.  I felt an ache that would surface every now and then.  When mutual friends talked about meeting with her, my loss crawled up and curled up on my lap.  My lost friend story stood out like a badge of shame.  Women are not supposed to lose friendships.  Our whole identity is wrapped up in the fact that we are nurtures and caretakers of relationships.  We shake our head at men because they could learn so much from us about friendships.

Yet, the interesting thing is I know many women who have lost friends for no reason at all.  People that you once ate, laughed, and whispered your deepest secrets to disappear from your life.  All they leave is a footprint reminding you of their impact and absence.  Girls that are like mirrors to you, fade in the passage of time.  Women who stand beside you on your wedding day, are the missing witness to your life.

Is a Lost Friendship Always Someone’s Fault?

Watching Gwen melt away into another world without me was difficult.  I blamed myself for her absence.  I tried to change to suit what I thought was the problem.  More and more she slipped away from our friendship.  As this happened I realized that I only have one half of the story.  The other half is not for me to know – just for me to live with.

Time and Energy for New Friends

Thankfully, I have a very full life with amazing friends.  The women that God has graciously poured into my life are so precious to me.  I may not have made room in my life for these new friends who have been such a pillar of support to my entire family.    With my BFF Gwen at my side I would not have thrown myself completely into these new friendships. I haven’t said goodbye to Gwen but I have said see you later. Like in next year later!  And I ‘m okay with that.

Photograph property of author and used with permission.