credit: mrskyce

Every year at this time we’re filled with hope and joy and anticipation.  And, perhaps, a little bit of dread.

Interpersonal dynamics are more rich in family setting than just about anywhere else.  Almost all of us have a relative we or two we find irritating, and that might be putting it kindly.  How can we mix and mingle without ruining our own holiday?  Here are some ideas on setting boundaries that might help:

1. Avoid familiar patterns. Have you been having the same conversation with your Uncle Joe for the past 12 Christmases?  Do you cringe when he walks in the room because you know exactly—and I mean exactly—what’s going to happen next?  My suggestion?  Change your response! Joe will say the same old things, but you don’t have to play that game.  You’ve grown and matured and even if he never will, you don’t have to play with his toys.
2. 

   credit: photos by Mavis

   Create physical space. Yes, I am suggesting that you leave the room.  What I’m not suggesting is that you turn on your heel and grandly, rudely, walk out when your hostile sister-in-law enters.  By the same token, you’re not committed to standing nearby for an hour while she explains why her parenting techniques are so much better than yours.  You can help in the kitchen, play with kids, or go find grandma.  Kill them with kindness, but don’t stand there and listen to that nonsense.

3. Schedule your time.  Are you old enough to remember the Franklin Planner?  If not, here’s the idea:  before you begin the day, create blocks of time in which you’ll do certain activities.  For example, you may head into the day know that from 2:00 – 3:00, you’ll help entertain kids (no adult conversation necessary) and from 3:00 – 4:00 you’ll engage the best of your relatives in real conversation.  You might set aside 4:00 for walking the dog (helpful!) or setting the table (extra helpful!).  Your schedule must be flexible, of course, but having a mental idea of different things you can do throughout the day can make 12 hours go a bit more quickly.