I’m sure you’ve heard mothers joke about raising their sons to be perfect husbands. The underlying tension being something their husband is not living up to in the marriage whether it be related to household chores, child rearing or romance. The sentiment does have some validity. As parents, our job is to make sure our kids grow up with the life skills they will need to be functional, well-adjusted and mature adults.

So why do we focus on making sure our sons will be “perfect” husbands? What about raising our daughters to be functional, well-adjusted, and mature wives? Like it or not, if you have a daughter (or daughters) she is watching you and your interactions with your husband. She sees every bit of passive aggressiveness, hears every put down and senses every grudge you hold. Personally, I don’t want my daughter to someday enter marriage thinking that is how to be a wife.

But what do I want her to know about being a wife? What do I want for her to learn from my example? Those are questions that will require a very personal answer from each mother out there. For my own daughter, here are a few things I hope to be able to teach her.

Ask for what you want. Don’t hint, don’t cajole, don’t pout and don’t demand. Speak your mind. Give your reasons if needed.Your husband wants to please you, he wants to be your hero. You’re not a weakling just because you can’t open the pickle jar. You’re not clingy just because you would rather he stayed home with you on Saturday night. Just ask.

Be forgiving. Your mother-in-law probably tried to raise the perfect husband but there is no such thing. You are not perfect and neither is he! For every little thing about him that bugs you, there is something about you that bugs him. Love him for his faults as well as his strengths. When he offends you, forgive him. When he’s a stupid oaf, forgive him. When he forgets, forgive him.  And once he is forgiven, do not bring up the offense again.

Never speak badly about him in front of others. My mother always told me that woman who speaks unkindly about her husband in front of others says more about her character than about his. (Think about this one ladies, if my daughter hears me belittle my husband to someone, she’s not hearing it through the ears of a wife but through the ears of a daughter! That’s her father I’m talking about! How hurtful do you think that is to her?) Be complimentary and full of praise for him. If you can’t, what was that our mother’s taught us? “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!” Address your grievance about him to him, in private.

Love him unconditionally. Love him through the good times, love him even more through the bad times. Be proud of him. Love him when he is unlovable, there will be times when you are unlovable, too. Support his dreams and trust in him.

It’s no coincidence that each of these ideals hearken back to what we call “the Golden Rule”: Treat others the way you want to be treated. So simple, yet so profound and ultimately wise!

Have you thought of what you want your daughter to know about being a wife? Please share them with us in the comments!

photo credits: vancity197, IceyCold87