#5 – Give Grace to Yourself!

Hello there. My name is Breanna, and I’m an overachieving perfectionist. (Hi, Breanna). This particular characteristic has served me well most of the time. Great grades, lead roles in plays, promotions and so on. I thought it would serve me well as I began my new role as Ben’s wife too. It did, for a little while. Until our first Thanksgiving.

We had been married just a few months, and were looking forward to spending the holiday as “just us.” I planned a fantastic holiday meal, searching through hundreds of recipes to find the perfect menu.

I did all the shopping ahead of time. I even wrote out a play-by-play timeline for the day of cooking. The menu was perfect, very impressive and fancy. Glazed turkey cutlets, creamy goat cheese mashed potatoes, cranberry orange stuffing and pumpkin cheesecake. My new husband’s only request: green bean casserole. I had never tasted this before, and it didn’t really fit in with the other dishes, but I obliged.

As I started preparing the meal Thanksgiving Day, I realized I had neglected to purchase the muffins required for the stuffing. I went to five stores and discovered that no one had any cranberry orange muffins or mix. I started to panic. Then I thought, OH! Maybe Starbucks will have some? AND THEY DID!!! Thanksgiving was saved (not the first or last time Starbucks has come to my rescue!)

I cooked and cooked and finally it was time to sit and enjoy this delightful meal. We bowed our heads to thank God for all our blessings, and raised our forks to tuck in. Well, I had somehow lost track of time and the turkey was half a splinter away from being pure sawdust. Next bite revealed that my new husband hates goat cheese (how could he?!). But the stuffing, SURELY the stuffing would be delicious after all that hard work!!

Well ladies…when you rush to Starbucks to get muffins to make Thanksgiving stuffing with, go ahead and look to see if they’re covered in a thick layer of sugar icing before you throw them in the pot. It was disgusting, to say the least.

So where did that leave us? A Thanksgiving dinner comprised solely of green bean casserole. I was mortified. I cried for a long time and felt like a complete failure and did lots of “I’ll never measure up to his mother!” thinking.

I’ve since burned batches of cookies and destroyed dozens of meals. I’ve accidentally broken our “good” plates, dropped berry pie on our white couch and given my husband the same birthday card two years in a row. I’ve made a lot of mistakes (gasp!) and finally reached a place where I’m (mostly) okay with my lack of overachieving perfection as a wife (although it doesn’t stop me from trying!)

I encourage you, dear friends, to give yourselves as much grace as you so readily offer to all those around you. Especially you new or soon-to-be wives. There’s a learning curve, and sometimes it’s a steep one. Don’t be like me, crying on the proverbial Thanksgiving Day. Be the super awesome wife who laughs at the situation and pulls down the Fruit Loops for a funny feast.

photo credits: kthypryn on flickr and elektracute on flickr

Read the other articles in this series: #1, #2, #3, #4