When things go wrong

When I was a young bride to be I was in the midst of planning a somewhat unconventional wedding. It was what we wanted and what we could afford.

My worried mother followed around in my wake with a constant refrain of, “I just don’t want you to be disappointed. I don’t want you to have any regrets about your wedding day like I did.”

My parent’s very rocky relationship lasted for 16 years and culminated in a bitter separation and divorce. My mother was in the habit of telling the story of her wedding with editorials that went, “I should have realized then that…”

One day, finally, I think we were shopping for fabric or some such, I realized that my mother had confused her wedding with her marriage. It’s a mistake that a lot of brides can make. They feel that if everything isn’t perfect on their wedding day that somehow it will carry over into their marriage.

So I looked her in the eye and said, “Mom, I don’t want a wedding, I want a marriage. As long as he shows up, the minister shoes up to marry us, and I look fantastic, I’ll be happy.” I suspect I would have learned to deal if I had looked like a hag on my wedding day too, but I freely admit to vanity. What bride doesn’t want to look beautiful?

The day I married was the hottest day of the year. The top layer of the cake slid off because of the heat, mosquitoes bit everyone during the outdoor photos, my grandpa complained, loudly, that the reception started late, the DJ didn’t start the dance in time because he was my BIL and out drawing graffiti on our getaway car and there were key elements that were missing from part of the ceremony. (The above photo is me at the very moment when we realized it was all missing.) At the end of the day I didn’t care, we were married and on our way.

All of those things now are great stories to tell. Life would be boring if it ran without glitches, and so would weddings. So on your wedding day, as well as in your life to come, don’t worry about the little details. Remember it’s a marriage that you are after in the long run. A fun party to celebrate is really just icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Keep in mind what’s really important and focus on those things. You and your husband will be happier because of it.

Carrien blogs the other misadventures turned good stories at she laughs at the days.

{Photo courtesy of the author}