By The Good Flea | Leave A Comment
My husband and I are in the beginning stages of researching adoption. I should be up front and tell you that we have three children, ranging in age from eleven to fifteen, and that the husband and I are both hovering at 40.
The question I ask myself is, “Why now?” Why more children this late in the game? Honestly, I’m not quite coming up with a great answer. But so far I have some pretty good ones. The breakdown:
- I’ve always wanted six kids, all six boys – I can choose boys!
- My husband is such a great dad
- There are way too many kids waiting for permanent homes and families who’ll love them
- My husband actually brought it up and is doing the research (what woman wouldn’t love that?!)
- Husband’s work will pay a substantial amount of the adoption fees, as well as give him extended maternity leave
The flip side?
- I feel very old – too old to start over
- I recently started taking graduate classes
- After home schooling for nine years, I have only recently felt “free and unfettered”
- I have a million ideas and plans for myself in the near future
- Diapers – hello?!?
- Eighteen years!
My flip side reasons seem, to me, very selfish. And I know that the husband is serious about adoption. So I’m wrestling with it all right now, not really liking where I find myself on either side of the equation. I’m aware that adoption could encompass many things, such as older children vs. babies, domestic vs. international, closed vs. open. It’s almost too much to reckon with right now. I’d appreciate any input you might have, and will keep you posted!
When not herding kids, dogs, cat and husband, The Good Flea blogs at Flea’s World
Have you and your husband faced an adoption decision or challenge? What sorts of things helped you with the decision making process? We can discuss this more at The League!
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Photo source: The Good Flea
ABOUT The Good Flea
A homeschool mom for nine years, I'm now working part time, married to a college instructor, bloggin{read more}
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Hi! I love adoption and follow a few incredible blogs that have so much information.
The first is The R House: http://therhouse.blogspot.com/.
A blog about foster to adopt is: http://www.ourfamilygardenwherewildthingsgrow.blogspot.com/.
Each blog has links to other great blogs and information. Hope this helps and good luck with your decision!
I am an adoptive mom of two sons and have two biological sons. The joy and privilege of God’s gifts through both means of family building is part of our life story. I would adopt again in a heartbeat. Currently though, my husband considers our family complete. I trust God to change his heart or mine. For now, we walk forward enjoying the gifts God has given and seeking to be obedient to His plans for our future.
I am not sure that my response will be helpful to you, but I thought that I would comment just in case. I am from the opposite side of this fence as the birthmother to a wonderful 14 year old daughter. We have an open adoption plan and she has always known. It has worked out so great and she was even a part of our wedding 5 years ago! That made that day all the more special.
Adoptive parents are such very special people to open their homes, hearts and lives to another. I feel that both of your “arguement” sides show valid concerns and valid feelings (not selfishness). This is a huge, life changing decision and all of these things should be weighed.
I feel that the Lord will guide you with this decision. I truly feel that if you turn to Him, He will lead you and help you with whichever path you take.
Good luck in your decision. I pray that you get responses that help ease your mind and offer some support and possibly the pathway to the answers you need.
My husband and I are thinking about adoption also and if we do decide to adopt, I think we will adopt an older child, maybe three or four years old. If you don’t want to do diapers again or really start over again, what about adopting an older child?
Becky, thank you! The more sites, the better. We’re currently investigating a local Christian crisis pregnancy group. I’ll be heading to your links shortly!
Elle,I understand being in different places. I was usually the one doing the adoption research, while my husband wasn’t so interested. The tables are reversed now and I’m asking God to show me where He is in all of this, what His will is for our whole family. And for me.
Becky, NnD, Thank yoU! I don’t know much about open adoption. My husband’s sisters were adopted from Seoul and my cousin who was adopted was a closed adoption. I’ve wondered how an open adoption would be for all involved. In fact, a local Christian organization we’re looking into only does open adoptions. It’s good to know that it has been a beneficial experience for all of you.
I’ve always wondered how Hannah did it, giving Samuel to Eli, rather to God, once he was weaned, then only going back annually to visit.
Beckie (anymore Becky’s out there? What fun!) – Adopting an older child is on the table, but not too very welcome at the moment. My husband has his heart set on a baby. Maybe because of his own experience with sisters adopted at ages 4 and 7. If God’s moving here in this direction, I’m open to older children as well. Just not really sure I’m open to anything right this second. Y’know?
I have a very close friend who is working toward adoption through the foster system. Since you are possibly open to room for more than one your situation is perfect for adopting a group of siblings! I used to think you had to foster for a long period of time before adoption was an option. This isn’t true! At least, not in our state and our neighboring one. It may vary from state-to-state though. I think sibling adoption is a special blessing for the children…can you imagine being taken not only from your parents but your siblings too!? What a heavy heart it would cause in a child.
Blessing to you for possibly opening your home in such a unique way!
Hi Flea! I appreciate your honesty, especially on the flip side. I hope that dealing thoroughly with what you feel, you’ll hear God’s incredible love for you. I pray that you are blessed with a sense of excitement, adventure, and passion to work for a God who loves you so much. I pray that you let go of whatever is holding you back (fear? desire for control?) and throw yourself on to the mercies of a loving, but sovereign God.