By Amy Campbell Smith | Leave A Comment
I fail at communication. I don’t really like to share (especially if I might cry). I’m an introvert and rather than gathering energy from interaction with people, it drains me. Add to this our schedule, where after a day at work my husband and I have a handful of hours to deal with dinner, baths, laundry, homework, breaking up fights (the kids, not us), bedtime routines…
I just want my tea and a book and a bit of quiet. For me to initiate a conversation at this point, even if it’s a pleasant topic, is a real effort. But if I don’t talk, how is he ever going to know how I’m really doing?
The other night he caught me mid-breakdown, and it made me feel better to talk to him and not push through that moment alone. I realized (all over again) that I need to be more intentional about sharing. It is not fair to keep everything inside and not let him in.
How do you make time to talk to your husband about things that fall outside the daily family management category? Do you stay up late and talk? Do you have a day that you sit down and compare notes? Do you just always say it when you think of it?
I need a communication plan.
photo credit: ClipArt from Microsoft Office Online
ABOUT Amy Campbell Smith
Amy has been married to Mr. Smith for 15 years (ohmygosh). She has a grown daughter and two little b{read more}
Loading ...
We usually stay up late or talk things through during our date nights (which isn’t always the best idea, mind you). However, I’m pretty in touch with my feelings, and while I might not always voice them on the spot, I don’t have any real trouble discussing them. That is of course, when I’m good and ready. I hate feeling like I have to talk about something before I’ve had a chance to sort through it first. And like you, I really don’t like talking if I think I might cry.
Amy,
I love this post; you’re so open and honest – especially for a self proclaimed introvert.
I’m often labelled an outgoing, “people” person, but I have just realized that I am truly an introvert at heart. I have recently noticed that in most of my friendships I am very one sided. One sided in the fact that, I come away from conversations with my girlfriend realizing that I have shared nothing about me or my life, but spent the last hour talking about my their life.
I can’t even blame the other person, because I draw them out, I ask them questions, I encourage THEM TO talk and share, and I don’t offer up a whole lot about myself.
It is because of that, that your post really struck a cord with me. As I get older it’s only becoming more so, given the choice between girls’ night out and PJs, cup of tea (or glass of wine) and a good book, I’ll take the later every time. Is it wong of us to prefer the later? I’m not sure.
In my marriage is where I find it easiest to communicate, we have our best communication over dinner, or on Saturday morning cuddling in bed… we don’t have kids yet, can you tell?
I think you’re on the right path; making note of it is the first step in the right direction. Thanks so much for sharing.
Sarah – I also need to think first, but sometimes I spend too much time doing that and then it feels like the moment has passed. It’s all a real challenge for me.
Shannon – Thanks! I have a goal to be better about this. It does not come naturally!
my husband and i use email for our communication quite often. i know that might sound crazy but at times it seems the only way we can actually talk to each other. he’s an introvert like you. and it drives me crazy when he shuts me out. i find that at times, using email allows him the time and space he needs to think about things and then allows him to communicate with me without worrying about having to deal with emotions immediately. i think the distance created by email allows him to feel safe at times. but i also realize that he and i need to figure out a way talk face to face too. i suppose either way, it’s about balance.